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I Hate Cold Calling

For an introvert few tasks can be as daunting and titanic as making a cold call.  The very idea of disturbing an unseen stranger over the telephone fills us with anxiety.

-We wouldn’t want to be called by an unseen stranger who just wants something from us.  Why would someone else want to be?  Any ensuing conversation is bound to be an awkward exchange between two people who really don’t want to talk, but are compelled by some overriding necessity.  The tension is bound to be palpable.  This type of interaction is about as pleasant as nails screeching across a chalkboard.

-If only we could do it over the internet somehow without having to talk with anyone!

-We tend to put it off to the last possible moment.  Almost better to wait until the progression of events makes phone calls a moot point.  A mild loss incurred by doing so is probably worth it.  For important calls, I used to spend a few minutes just staring at the number pad before being able to spiritually prepare myself for dialing that number.  I would even have a few false starts dialing before I got through the whole number.

-There’s that horrible pause before it starts ringing, then the ringing starts.  Secretly we hope for every successive ring hoping that no one will answer.  If no one answers, we curse our luck that we couldn’t have just gotten it over with.

-It takes a lot of will power to make each subsequent attempt.  Like lancing a boil, the longer we wait, the more attempts, the more unpleasant it becomes.  The more unpleasant it becomes, the more will it takes to make another attempt.

-Even when we’ve made the call and someone answers, we’re too upset and nervous about infringing on someone else to really push them and demand their services and time in full.  Thus, a rep who’s used to dealing with assertive extroverts senses they can spend a bare minimum of time on us and quickly gets us off the line.  We end up not really accomplishing what we set out to do anyway!  At best we accomplish the bare minimum before we can end the unpleasantness and get off the line.

-An extrovert comes by and asks about the results of the phone call.  Their brow creases in confusion at our account of the conversation.  They respond:

“Why didn’t you ask this question?”

“Or this question?”

“Why didn’t you get a more detailed answer so we can be absolutely sure?”

“Why didn’t you push them until they gave in by doing this?”

“Why didn’t you make the call earlier?”/”Why did you just get around to making the call now?”

“Why don’t you call again?”

There’s a leaden feeling in the stomach.  All that effort and anxiety and it wasn’t nearly enough.  Why even bother.

I’ve gotten a lot better over the years out of necessity.  It’s no longer a trial by fire and I no longer have to deal with lots of anxiety but it’s still not exactly my favorite activity.  I still always check for any way around making a cold call if it can be avoided.  Therein lies my problem.  I see cold calling as a last resort.  An extrovert sees cold calling and taking up time on the line as their first choice.

the Subtle sense of humor

Many who have met me have supposed that I lack a sense of humor.
Indeed the usual ‘humorous’ fare tends to do little for me, but my lifelong critics have failed to reallize that I enjoy another sort of humor.

I’ll sometimes pretend to laugh for the sake of sociability when someone tells a joke in a group situation.

I have no interest at all in sitcoms. They are after all exaggerated portrayals of a social life I’ve never really been a part of. I find that style of acting with the nasal speaking voice, overdone hand gestures, and laugh track in the background to be particularly obnoxious.

Light comedy films are entertaining on a basic level, but tend to leave the mind almost as soon as they are finished. Such films tend to be formulaic. I could be amused by one Sandler movie, but just wouldn’t have any need to see more.

Standup comedy usually doesn’t accomplish much for me. The person up on stage usually identifies with some ethnic group or category(i.e. rednecks) and uses his membership of said group to lampoon it endlessly. I shake my head as entire careers are built on mining out a single simple premise to exhaustion.

What then have I found to be truly humorous for myself and other introverted personalities I have come into contact with?
In short, humor that isn’t spoonfed. Jokes that exist in the subtext rather than on the surface. Irony and satire as opposed to slapstick.

I’ve sat taciturn through lots of ‘funny’ shows yet I’ve burst out into laughter while reading Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal.
I’ve been completely unmoved at jokes in social situations yet I still grin at the thought of a character in Dr. Strangelove saying “You’ll have to answer to the Coca-Cola company” with an intensely straight face. There is nothing particularly funny about the line itself, but the context is everything:
There is a man who is desperately trying to make a phone call that could save the world from nuclear destruction. He asks a soldier to break into a vending machine to get the change he needs to make the call. The soldier, hilariously unclear on the concept utters the line.
In this sort of situation, one doesn’t sit passively waiting for a punchline but must actively read meaning into the content. There is no one telling you when a joke is told or when to laugh. The jokes are not separate from, but rather embedded seamlessly in the content itself.

The defining trait of Loud humor is that you are laughing principally because everyone else is laughing. Humor is before all else a social tool used to promote group bonding.
Consider standup comedy. If enough people laugh at a joke, everyone laughs. Anyone who chose not to laugh would end up looking very awkward in a public place. Thus, standup is as much about reinforcing the audience’s sense of social belonging as it is about enjoying any actual humor.
Sitcoms typically have a laugh track that tells you exactly what moments you should find humorous. It even tells you by means of intensity just how humorous you should find them. Once again, it is a means viewers can bring their personal sense of humor into congruency with that which is promoted as being Correct for the whole. Since the humor itself is just an incidental packaging for a social experience, it leaves the mind as soon as one leaves.

The defining trait of Subtle humor is implicit personal respect for the audience. It is up to each individual to decide for themselves what is funny according to their personal taste. The medium rarely involves group situations and all the pressure that comes with them. The humor is not clearly demarcated in a series of structured jokes, but must be discovered by each individual. Oftentimes, one does not find certain things humorous until reflecting about them afterwards. One reflects on such humor because it is usually a means of illuminating an underlying point and inviting serious thought about human nature.

When exposed to group humor, one who doesn’t quite belong must always be under pressure to dissimulate and hide behind a smile. Not only is there nothing to laugh at, it is just another potential source of social censure in one’s life.
Subtle humor is more than just funny, it is an escape from the typical expectations. It makes no judgments of its audience. It is courteous invitation while its Loud counterpart is forced attendance.

Symptoms of a Loud Society

A society that is Loud
-Attacks the superficial symptoms rather than the underlying illness.
-Favors quantity over quality
-Values the title and status that corresponds to a given human relationship above what the relationship actually contains.
-Values all things in life according to the fashions of the hour
-Espouses hypocritical virtues and ideologies which no one actually follows. It is all about group identity, not meaningful action.
-Holds that social life is an end in itself, a brutal competition that consumes wealth, energy, and life itself.
-Holds that individual needs are meant to be subordinate to the mass society. Holds that those born into the society owe their lives to its upkeep.
-Tacitly holds that the legitimacy of social customs comes from dominance, acceptance, and recognition. Correspondingly, the value of any given individual is based upon degree of social dominance, acceptance, and recognition.

As a Subtle civilization is formed from those traits the larger society selects against, its values are naturally in opposition to all things listed here.