Category Archives: Introvert vs. Extrovert

Introverts, Extroverts, and Exercise

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

As one who habitually works out, I am constantly asked.
“Isn’t it boring?”
“Where do you get the willpower from?”
I try to explain that I enjoy it for its own sake. But the response is usually a sort of patronizing amazement, as if I were a specimen of some rare and curious species.

Extroverts working out on their own are easily spotted:
-Their hearts are never in it. When jogging they plod along leaning sloppily forward into their sluggish steps. The person in question might very well be young and athletic, but their mental self-defeat is complete.
-Their face has a sour, bored, “I’d rather be doing anything else” kind of look.
-Their head is plastered with all the latest electronic devices to provide some form of distraction. Without the sound of the human voice at all times, they would simply go insane.
-At least one wire coming from the head flops awkwardly around slowing them down more still and screwing up their form.

How do I explain to such a person:
-How on a long run I get lost in the corresponding rythyms of my breath and heartbeat?
-The sheer joy of being in the outdoors?
-How I become completely absorbed in the rush I get while doing a max clean and press or squat?
-That it’s a socially sanctioned means of spending time alone, even when the sun is still up?

I sometimes say truthfully it’s just a part of my routine I wouldn’t want to do without, that it makes me feel fantastic, that it untangles my thoughts.
“Wo-ow, you’re so dedicated.” an extrovert glibly responds.
In that moment the wide gap in understanding becomes obvious:

-For the extrovert, exercise is merely penance for that cheesecake last night. Working out is just one of many unenjoyable activities required to maintain Surface social appearances.

-For the introvert exercise is an enjoyable activity of recharge and renewal on a spiritual level. Working out is a celebration of the individual’s mastery over the bodily domain. It is about getting away from social expectations.

When extroverts exercise seriously, it is for the sake of competition and social status. There are some very fit extroverts in high school and college, but their physical activity comes abruptly to an end when it loses its usefulness as a social tool in adult life.

The introvert often lives their young life in hiding and only emerges to discover their own physical potential well into their twenties or even later. Exercise is internally motivated, a personal exploration, a spiritual self realization.
Because motivation comes from within, introverts who exercise tend to exercise through all of life, decades after the extrovert has given it up with the exception of an occasional painful weekend jog or a short-lived new years resolution gym membership.

The Role of Reading for Introverts and Extroverts

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

To extroverts an activity such as sitting alone for extended periods reading books seems like torture.
Certainly, plenty of extroverts read books, but it’s mainly filler for odd moments when there’s no one to talk to and usually titles from the bestseller list with potential as conversation material. Someone who likes to continuously talk reads the books that are being talked about.

An introvert generally pursues reading far more aggressively than the extrovert, sitting down for hours at a time, and will do so for the sheer pleasure of it. Certainly enjoyment is drawn from purely entertaining works of fiction, but what extroverts have difficulty understanding is the preponderance of less-accessible literature and non-ficition.
For one who is Subtle, gaining something from each book is the primary concern. The acquisition of knowledge IS entertainment.
Non-fiction is a pure stream of information that can be absorbed without distraction.
In fiction, an introvert is looking for a distinct style, compelling characters, powerful underlying theme or philosophical message. Whether the author is famous is of little concern. Indeed, if a work is famous highly entertaining fluff, it is of little interest.

Extroverts see an introvert staying at home on a Friday night with a book and they feel bewilderment and pity at such a lifestyle of self-deprivation.
What they fail to understand is that the introvert through books taps directly into the collective human experience. A shelf of books is its own social scene, full of stories and information from the most creative and knowledgable people. The introvert lives in any place or time(imagined or real) and discovers any skill or discipline that has ever been put into writing.
All of the awkward initial chatter is eliminated: One can do away with learning the most basic personal information, probing for common interests, and avoidance of stepping on toes involved in first meeting someone.

In a typical social scene, one is limited to the individuals who are there at that moment.
Meanwhile, an introvert has access to people in places across the world and throughout all of history.

In addition to ‘breaking the ice’ the socialite has to figure who in his tiny pool of potential associates has the most to contribute before any progress can be made towards knowledge.
An introvert can just read about whatever topic they want. It is far easier to open books than it is to open people.

In short, written information in books or on the internet is the end product of all the conversations. It is the concentrate distilled from the minds and tongues of countless experts.
An introvert gets the information at the end of the process in its purest form.
An extrovert who must always talk stays perpetually at the beginning of the process yielding more hot air than substance.

An introvert by habitually partaking of a concentrated form of knowledge cannot be bothered to engage in interaction that isn’t immediately relevant to a subject of interest.
In writing, one eliminates components that do nothing for the overall purpose. Continuing to act by this same principle an introvert separates the superfluous from the relevant.
An introvert does not require nearly as much face to face interaction as an extrovert because much of what one gains from conversation, they gain through the written word.

Not only does reading satisfy some of the needs of social interaction, it has the potential to go far beyond what can be imparted in person.
This is best illustrated by the lesson one learns by going to a book signing by a favorite author:
One thinks “I can’t wait to meet this person” but authors are usually quite ordinary in appearance and sometimes quite shy or even awkward in public.
Then there is a dilemma: one has already read many pages in which this person bared their soul or shared a lifetime of knowledge. They’re now standing in front of you. Now what? One suddenly realizes that all the important things have already said beyond the constraints of time and space.
One goes up to this person with whom they shared a journey and says “My name is ______ and I loved your book.”
In this instant one becomes aware that social interaction has some serious shortcomings. The improvisational nature of speaking in person limits us. One can’t stop and think about the most memorable way to express oneself with every sentence, nor can one excise sentences that distract or fail to contribute to what is most important. In that instant, one fully appreciates the eloquence and depth can be expressed through the written word. One understands that the author has already shared their innermost self in a way that conversation does not allow, that one would have to know them in person for years to get to the point that has already been reached as a complete stranger.

Music Preference in Introverts and Extroverts

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

For the majority of people in the industrialized West, music is primarily a means of social identity and unity. Millions listen to the same top 25 songs that everyone else is listening to. Of those top twenty-five a few refuse to fade away each year and the eventual result is a handful of ‘oldies’ that provides a sense of commonality between members of a generation. Members of each respective ethnicity listen to the music associated with their community.
“What music do you listen to?” Is one of the most frequently used conversational ice breakers and one of the most dreaded questions for the introvert.
An introvert tends to listen to music for very different reasons than the socialite and any frank answer to this question must lead to misunderstanding.

The typical popular song is a very simple thing: There is a lead singer to whom any other instruments are subordinate. The song repeats indefinitely, constrained to an unchanging beat and tempo through a few verses. One has heard the entire song quite often in less than a minute.
The lyrics are thus the most important element, sending the message the music seeks to convey in a straightforward unmistakeable fashion.
The point is to create a particular social atmosphere, send a message of group allegiance, and to advertise one’s beliefs by a convenient proxy.

Conventionally, music is first and foremost a social tool. A successful song is short, snappy, and simple so it might concisely serve its function.
Asking someone about musical preference is such a popular conversation starter because in an instant it reveals one’s age, ethnicity, allegiances, preferences, and values. Ordinarily, it is a foolproof Commonality Audit. When the introvert is asked this question and gives a non-standard response, it is as though a scanner at the grocery store has just passed over an incomprehensible barcode. The resulting clash of world views can potentially result in social censure for the introvert; it is just another of the mechanisms that forces him or her beneath the Surface.

The introvert tends to listen to music within a private domain. Its purpose is to please the senses, excite the spirit, and invite contemplation.
The mission of the introvert is to find the sound that inspires before all else. Concerns of self-advertisement are secondary if present at all.
The most engaging music is complex, offering something new to listen to every time.
There is not necessarily a lead singer and if so, the human voice is just another instrument performing beside all the others.
The progression of tones is changing and difficult to predict, tones and silences do not always occur where they are expected, volume varies from thunderous heights to barely audible rainfall, the lead instrument(if any) yields to or joins with others, the pace quickens and slows, there are multiple layers each intricate in its own right.

The message of the introvert’s ideal music need not be stated in words: the sound itself contains the message and inspires a nuanced mood.

It is telling that a popular song never truly comes to an end: it usually just fades out, implying to the listener that they have just spent a few minutes in a world where the song loops forever. The invitation is thus open to return and start exactly where one left off.

A song of the social sphere is thus a single simple thought encased in glass.
The music of an introvert is a living thought process wrought in sound and silence, a shifting sculpture of time and vibration.

When the extrovert asks an introvert “What music do you listen to?” he or she ends up confused, perhaps even angry when not given Correct answers.
The introvert becomes cautious, closed, and annoyed. Going through his or her head is:
-How presumptious and rude to ask such an invasive question so soon!
-How arrogant and narrow-minded that by ‘music’ they mean just mean a handful of popular bands!
-How unpleasant and nervewracking that they have clumsily created conflict and subjected me to a Commonality Audit!

In music itself is the fundamental difference:
-For extroverts music is primarily a social force defining the self from without. It is inseparable from the public domain.

-For introverts music is deeply personal, its main purpose is to inspire, cultivate, and reveal what lies within. It is most potent in private where one can experience it beyond the judgments of others.

One Who Is Subtle

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

One who is Subtle understands that power resides in understatement. They understand that when all things are grand and exaggerated, they become meaningless, just white noise that the brain tunes out. They always leave plenty concealed, taking up as little space as possible. They watch for all things undervalued.
Their manner is reserved, their feelings closed to all but those who are found most important and trustworthy. They are courteous yet not cloying or pretentiously familiar with strangers to whom they have just been introduced.

One who is Subtle wants to like and be liked by certain people. They would rather be liked by one person whom they truly care about than have any number of friendly acquaintances. Friendly acquaintance is a pretense and waste of time when there is even one true friend.
They would rather completely change and nurture one life than perform small favors for thousands.
Even in purely material terms: it is tremendously more powerful to give $10,000 to one carefully chosen person than $1 each to 10,000 strangers. Time spent on those who do not show the proper potential is a waste of one’s wealth.
Addressing one underlying cause is effective, focusing upon 10,000 effects is futile.

One who is Subtle reduces to essentials and then progresses according to the guiding principles they have discovered. Every thing in life is judged and valued according to one’s foundations. Mass society’s judgment is just the fashion of the hour, its very existence an airy abstraction.

One who is Subtle is Incorrect, their life must be a constant struggle within a mass society; their very world view is a challenge to its legitimacy. Their avoidance of all that is Loud is interpreted as weakness, their position, when discovered inevitably comes under attack.
Perceptions are meaningless next to the underlying truth.

Symptoms of a Loud Society

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

A society that is Loud
-Attacks the superficial symptoms rather than the underlying illness.
-Favors quantity over quality
-Values the title and status that corresponds to a given human relationship above what the relationship actually contains.
-Values all things in life according to the fashions of the hour
-Espouses hypocritical virtues and ideologies which no one actually follows. It is all about group identity, not meaningful action.
-Holds that social life is an end in itself, a brutal competition that consumes wealth, energy, and life itself.
-Holds that individual needs are meant to be subordinate to the mass society. Holds that those born into the society owe their lives to its upkeep.
-Tacitly holds that the legitimacy of social customs comes from dominance, acceptance, and recognition. Correspondingly, the value of any given individual is based upon degree of social dominance, acceptance, and recognition.

As a Subtle civilization is formed from those traits the larger society selects against, its values are naturally in opposition to all things listed here.

One Who Is Loud

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

One who is Loud is more than just physically noisy. Everything they do is calculated to attract attention and take up maximum volume to an absolute minimum of substance. Everything from their mannerisms to their mode of dress is intolerably garrulous. Their smile always shows both rows of teeth; it is an expression so exaggerated that it squints and crinkles their eyes into black, crocodilian slits. Such a person acts familiar around people they’ve just met, slapping them on the back, throwing their arm around their shoulder for group photos as if they were best buddies.

One who is Loud constantly overstates and overreacts, guffawing, shouting, cooing, giggling, and/or making pronouncements of ‘best ever’ at the slightest instigation.

One who is Loud wants to be liked by everyone. They want to be liked by more people than the other guy or girl. Underneath the big grin is a constant struggle being fought against obscurity. Hell is where one sinks when one is no longer ‘being talked about,’ when one is yesterday’s fad, when one is a used up product. Their ‘friends’ are not the haven but the battlefield.

One who is Loud is Correct. They possess the world view and personal qualities that are most highly valued in Western society. One stays on the island by making the most superficial alliances. In schools, success is more akin to outcompeting rivals on a public court or field than attaining mastery over knowledge. Accomplishment is defined by the perception of accomplishment. Whether the deed was actually done is inconsequential. In fact, it is a virtue to surpass a more accomplished individual in perceived success simply by having a better publicity machine and better skills in overstatement and self-inflation.

The Dumb and Silent Type

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

It is a regular occurrence in the life of an introvert to be presumed dumb on account of their habitual reserve in both speech and mannerism.

Extroverts take the outgoing individual to be not only to be an ‘achiever’ and a ‘leader’ but also as more intelligent.
As a male extrovert I know that extroverted women, in particular can be rude and dismissive towards those who are not outspoken.
For more on this ‘Elizabeth Bennet syndrome,’ there’s my other blog, WordPressed Latinum.

In general, if one values form over substance, then it follows according to extrovert thought that one who is intelligent actively appears to be intelligent, aggressively self promoting and letting everyone know about their talents.
One who is extroverted must think to themself: If I were intelligent I would use my talents to secure more social status, therefore, this person I see on the periphery must be an idiot.

One whose mind is wholly devoted to social matters tends not to understand what someone could possibly be doing with their mind while not socially involved. Such silence and uninvolvement seems to them like the vacuous staring of a lobotomy patient. Hence one gets “Hello, anybody home?” instead of “A penny for your thoughts.”
Suppositions of stupidity are in part a reaction to the aloofness of the introvert. In some cases, the introvert might not seem stupid to them, but they act aggressively because they view the lack of participation as arrogance and disdain, a slap in the face of everyone in the group.
Finally and most simply, with people living competitively in groups, the silent outsider of course makes a convenient outlet for all the frustrations that cannot be otherwise vented.

The underlying problem is that while an introvert can never forget that they are in a hostile country, the extrovert can live a lifetime without scarcely ever being aware any other way exists. Those few introverts they do happen to meet in social venues will generally be doing their utmost to keep their true nature concealed. On the chance that the presence of an introvert becomes clear, their misunderstanding and shock leads them to ascribe negative attributes and act out of frustration.
Thus a cruel irony: an introvert who would like nothing better than to be left alone by the highly social is doomed to always be disturbed.

The Blank Exterior

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

“Don’t be so serious.”
“You need to smile more.”
Are some of the most annoying and most common admonishments an introvert receives in everyday life.
Highly social persons mistake an introvert’s typically closed expression as being dour and unfriendly. Rather, the introvert being concerned with persons rather than people is far more prone to compartmentalize their life.
They do not emote in front of strangers. That is to be done around the carefully chosen group of individuals they have let into their life.
If they spilled their pearls in front of everyone, the act of sharing itself would become meaningless. One does not see people on a subway or bus treating each other like old friends. Uninhibited friendliness is sacred to an introvert and is for those who whom they hold closest. Like trust, and respect, it is earned. All others are approached with caution and respectful reserve.
The unconditional exuberance of extroverts seems superficially sunny by comparison, endearing perhaps like a dog wagging its tail, but not indicative of any deeper feeling than that which moves them at the moment. Since it’s how they act around everyone one must wonder: are they being sincere underneath that happy veneer?
From the view of the introvert: the highly social person so habitually ventures into histrionic hyperbole of expression, that there is no means, no language they might even employ to indicate any extraordinary feeling for another human being.
Is one really their best friend or the love of their life or is it just another mood of the moment or attention getting behavior?

Perhaps it disturbs the extrovert that the inward looking person tends to wear the same blank exterior we all wear on the subway when in public places. However, this exterior is in a way a test as well as a defense.
What one sees in a blank exterior says a lot about them; it is a mirror of sorts. Those who stand a chance of moving inside an introvert’s inner circle are those rare few who look at that initial blankness and see something good and unthreatening in it.

The False Glamor of Pickup Culture

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“Someone needs to get laid.” Is one of the stock responses to one who shies from conventional social venues.
The ultimate proof to the socialite of an introvert’s wrongdoing is their more frequent lack of sexual comanionship.

In addressing this matter, I would look to pickup artists, and in general those who get frequently laid by means of their social prowess.
The success of these individuals is taken to be the disproof of everything cloistered, nerdly, and inspired of solitude:

However, its not the magnificent thing it’s touted to be.
Pickup artists/seducers count themselves superior oftentimes on the most fundamental of grounds: the Darwinian.
They hold that it is they who will propagate the species, not the pathetic ‘shy people.’
This turns out to be an absurd proposition upon examining the actual conduct of these people.
It is a rarity to actually hear of them having children! If ever they do it is later in life.
They scrupulously use protection during sex so their escapades might continue to another party night. The women they court are those who wouldn’t want a kid ruining their party life. Even in the instance contraception failed, abortion would be highly likely. The chances of Darwinian success from being a pickup artist/seducer are nil.

Ironically, these party people would enjoy considerably greater success according to the standards they hold dear if they converted to conservative monotheism and entered into a traditional marriage.

Ironically, the very car salesman skills of super socialites that allow them a quick night of sex tend to impede any aims at having any sort of deeper satisfaction than the immediately physical.
For all their labors, they obtain very little more than their own hand could have given them. They perhaps obtain less in terms of intimacy than a masseuse might have given them.

The mystique that Western culture attaches to the act of intercourse is altogether undeserved. This writer has had what could be termed extremely casual sex. It was a pleasant experience, but nothing I would base an entire lifestyle around.
I have talked with many others who have had sex and express similar sentiments. Nothing spectacular unless there is some kind of deeper personal attachment involved.

What the pickup artists really become obsessed with is the ability to make the sale, however dubious the product. The rush of subduing another human being through wits alone. However, even the power that a seducer wields is an illusion.
The pickup artist must define himself by his quarry. He is a shapeshifter morphing into whatever form his target’s desires might take. He is but a slave making himself whatever others want him to be, a product well marketed to instant gratification.

Pickup artists, seducers, spend years perfecting their art. The time and energy they spend becoming adepts is time taken away from other modes of development.

The introvert often engages in sexual intimacy sparingly:
Firstly, introverts, haven’t the opportunity because they do not have the willingness to actively sell themselves. Their identity is too grounded to be malleable even if they should try.

The introvert better understands: sexual intimacy is the pleasure of life that endangers all others. Its tendency to distract and its many possible negative and even deadly outcomes are a considerable obstacle to all else. Large amounts or time, money, and energy are required to enjoy this activity that can be experienced to a lesser, but not at all insubstantial degree for free: not to mention at one’s convenience and without any risk or effort. Overall: an awful deal and hyped up beyond all proportion.

The Myth of Extrovert Empathy

Posted by Gluon the Ferengi on

Popular belief would have it that being effusively social in nature is to be more empathetic, more in tune with others’ feelings.  I would say from personal observation however that the opposite is true.

Extroverts are adept at picking up every little sign that flickers across the surface.  They are excellent at functioning in groups, quickly perceiving hierarchies and balances of power.  They know how to be friendly to everyone when it suits them, and will talk about their personal matters to anyone.  They love to be around people as a whole but not necessarily persons.

This is where the introvert reigns.  One who knows how to listen, who isn’t worried about dominating a given social interaction is far better at dealing with people one on one.  Introverts understand that most people’s public persona is just a defense and are intrigued by what lies underneath.  They understand it takes time and patience to know someone well, that one cannot really be spoken with until they are removed from surrounding social pressures.

An extrovert considers those who fail to impress them in the first two minutes boring.  Persons are a commodity, if one fails to entertain, there’s always another more sensational channel to flip to.  The crowds of people they gravitate towards ensure that there is an unlimited pool of persons through whom they can rotate at will.  Extroverts are perhaps thought to be the empathizers because they loudly express sympathy should they learn of anyone’s misfortune.  Then they move on to the next thing.

An extrovert measures their social life and that of others by how many friends, social contacts, how many social events they are invited to.

An introvert measures their social life by the quality of the people they have chosen to count as friends and of those whom they have had the opportunity to know.

When the world has turned on you, when you need someone to listen and understand, or at least really try to understand what you’ve been through.  It is an introvert you are searching for.