The Deeper Reason Why Cerebral “Aspie” Introverts Suffer In The School System

As a kid I was behind.

I didn’t have the social awareness of other kids my age, my physical coordination was terrible.  When other kids were getting started with stuff like piano lessons or soccer, I wasn’t remotely ready.
When all the other kids were riding bikes around the neighborhood I was still walking around.   In fact I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was 14 years old.

My parents were scared to death thinking something was wrong with me looking for diagnoses, some tangible problem with a name.  I spent my entire youth being told I had a “disability.”

Then oddly enough as I neared puberty, the gap began to close.  By the beginning of high school, I was essentially functional, but still far from typical milestones in a teenager’s life.  I was closer to a late elementary stage of social development until I was in college.

Then through my twenties I began to gain traction and with every year grew stronger and began to pass people up.

Today at almost 30 years of age, I feel I’ve truly begun to come into my own.  Socially I feel competent and physically I’m well beyond the majority of my contemporaries.

In retrospect, I realize I experienced a lot of my difficulties because I simply had an atypical pattern of development.

At age 8, I was reading classics of literature and memorizing books on biology but couldn’t really hold a normal conversation or grasp unspoken social cues.

To develop certain capacities early on, sacrifices had to be made in other areas.

And if one wants to build a larger, more complicated structure, it simply takes longer to do it…

Nature always chooses the easiest, lowest investment solution to any given problem.

A creature is only strong, fast, or smart as the investment pays off.

More capabilities and complexity means longer gestation, smaller “litter” size, more calories to stay alive, longer time to grow to maturity.  All of these are great sacrifices when the ultimate goal is spreading genes.

I’ve come to understand that if one looks past PC nonsense that tells us everyone is the same, we quickly see that children develop at different rates, in different patterns.  We are each born with a plan that unfolds in stages.

The clear implication of this is chilling when we look at the uniform environment of mass compulsory schooling.

For most, this sort of system is relatively innocuous but for any sort of outlier, it’s a potentially deadly threat.

It dawned on me that a “smart” kid following a slower development path sent to mass schools is like a cub being thrown into a pit full of wolves…It quickly and elegantly explains much of my life.

In schools, a late development outlier spends his entire young life at the mercy of those early apex predators whose breed’s plan is a race to mature first and get first dibs on mates and resources.

The funny thing is, I always instinctively recognized their kind as my natural enemy in the wild but adults, the ideas adults liked contained nothing that could help me make sense of this.

After years of life experience, I know to tailor any recommendation to people’s differing needs.  I would wholeheartedly tell parents of an average kid to send their kid to public schools but definitely encourage parents of an outlier kid to consider homeschooling or some other more supportive and protective schooling environment.

Parents who send that cerebral yet oblivious and clumsy kid to survive in the crowd are unwittingly betraying and abandoning their own at the time of greatest possible vulnerability.

Many don’t make it out alive and many that do are effectively destroyed while still in the bud, their potential contribution expunged from the human race, their plan likely erased from the gene pool.
A uniform mass society entails both “soft” persecution and genocide.

Mass schools operate by the same philosophy as a corn field.  The goal is to create a monoculture and any specimens not up to the task are discarded.

Outliers are a minority by definition, but we must also remember, that virtually anything remarkable must come from outliers by that same token. 

Herein lies much of the difference between the performance of one society against another… To what extent do they suffer outliers to exist?

I will conclude with this:  If I suppose my particular plan entailed higher investment, higher risk, and slower maturity, I have an implicit duty to nature to make it pay off.  Else, what I am ought to be extinct.

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18 responses to “The Deeper Reason Why Cerebral “Aspie” Introverts Suffer In The School System

  1. It’s true. I know many Aspie kids who are lucky enough to have parents willing to homeschool them do really thrive better in that environment. When you homeschool, you can tailor your education to suit the child’s needs, and when your child does not have “average” needs, that’s okay too in a homeschool environment. You can allow the child to follow their interests.

    In a bog standard school though, it is like a one-size-fits-all environment. Obviously the outliers will suffer. Also “average” kids suffer too – from the problems that come from bullying in school. Not every child, no matter how “average” they are, can escape constant bullying unscathed. Not to mention the enormous amount of peer pressure in schools these days to be successful in areas unrelated to academics and totally not the reason why parents would send their kids to school for – things like having sex, having larger boobs, having an attractive boyfriend/girlfriend, the ability to purchase whatever gadget or fashion item that is all the rage right now, etc.

    I don’t deny that school can work out fine for some, but maybe only if the child is academic enough (not too smart or they get picked on for that, and not too slow or they get picked on too), is fairly okay looking (not too “ugly” or “pretty” by their peers’ standards, because they can get picked on either of those too), being great in sports is a plus (being bad at sports not that good), extroverted (school environments don’t tend to favour quieter, more introverted kids for the reason that they are seen as “weaker” by bullies for lacking the feistiness to defend themselves when bullies pick on them).

    Many pro-school people think that kids who don’t fit the school mould at first should keep persisting with school as they will eventually learn to change their personalities or at least find coping mechanisms to deal with the various peer pressures and academic requirements of school. Unfortunately some kids don’t develop coping mechanisms (and they breakdown), or they develop harmful coping mechanisms (withdrawing into themselves or self-hate/self-harm). Really, in these cases, these kids would do far better if they were homeschooled. But not every kid is lucky enough to have that chance, because not every parent is willing to or is able to homeschool, and that’s a pity.

  2. Going to have to disagree. Public high school is like a trial run of real life: it exposes an adolescent to different kinds of people, different kinds of emotions, different experiences, none of which can be replicated in a home environment. It’s harsh and it’s traumatizing, but that pain is necessary, and I speak as an introvert who suffered a lot in public schools. Kids need to feel that impersonal atmosphere, the threat of discipline by total strangers, the “system”, etc. If the introverted child fails to cope, then there will still be a catalogue of experiences and knowledge (real knowledge of how social groups function) to draw from in order to develop coping skills for later in life. I know that is a popular argument against homeschooling so I’d like to make another point: the few people I know personally that were homeschooled have, shall we say, “gaps” in knowledge. They never learned about this political concept or that foreign culture; or they overestimate themselves in certain ways because they were never exposed to differing opinions, never around people who knew just as much as they knew. Not to mention pop culture—yes, we introverts like to dismiss pop culture as trivial but unless you have at least an idea of what’s going on in the youth culture (and later the adult culture), you’re going to have some problems. At least learn about it so you can alienate yourself from it.

  3. I just discovered your-I’m going to call it a blog because that’s the closest word I can think of-blog and I absolutely love it. I’m still a teenager, but I understand a lot of what you say, and I’m glad that you say that it gets better when you’re older.

    Unfortunately, it is a long, long way until I am older, and do have lots of problems now that I think I should get help with. I was just wondering, how do YOU differentiate introversion and depression? My boyfriend (I guess he’s my ex-boyfriend now though) says I have a problem, because he knows I cut myself sometimes, but does that really define it? Is there an in-between stage from depression and…normalness…or is it just a thing where you have it or you don’t?

    • [ I am not HIM but consider what I wrote here]

      Oh it’s easy!

      introverted = you are fine with yourself
      depressed = you are not fine with yourself

      Remember that the guys (and gals) who decide who’s mad and who’s not got far more problems that me, you and everyone on this blog combined.
      So don’t take psychiatry too seriously.

      Normalness is just being “average”, to fits into the environment, sometimes it is not the “depressed” who is broken but his environment (especially if he/she is stuck into it against his/her will) and the depression is a natural response.

      Sometimes “normalness” is just blissful ignorance: don’t think to much !, Ignore what’s around you, do as the others do. If as a teenager you undestand a lot of what this guy writes then you think to much for your own sake ! I assure you.

      Since you claim you cut yourself you are not “fine”, does this ritual has some meaning of sort to you ? For this kind of things tend to be ritual.
      Is it like a form of “punishment” (for wrongdoings both real and imagined ) or some easy way to vent out anxiety ??( in that case a sacrifical fetish doll/puppet would be of help to preserve your flesh, I assure you ).

      Regards

      • It seems logical to say that I’m not fine with myself, but I think I am. Like, right now, I’m totally fine with myself. Except for the fact that I have scars on my leg from a razor.

        Usually when I cut myself, it’s after my parents yell at me (for one reason or another..usually because of grades or for talking to boys or who knows what) or when I know my parents are going to yell at me. So I guess I kinda do it as a punishment.

        So if I actually do have a problem, what do I do about it? There’s all that stuff about think Positive and When You Cut You Kill An Animal that I’ve seen on the internet, but I don’t think I can just “train” myself to stop. Are there people that can help me with that or something? I’m usually just scared of people. They’re too loud.

      • All self-destructive behaviour is pointless and very damaging on the long run especially if you start as a teenager.

        Remember that all teens are “unstable” one way or the other due to the hormanal changes that their body experience.

        Are your parent stern / severe ? Why they yell at you for talking to boys ?
        I think at this stage of your life your parents complete emotional support is crucial. Shrinks are not that useful.

        Yeah, I read some of those self-help american nonsense, it’s like you can choose between self-delusion or guilt trip you into avoiding the problem (kill an animal wtf ?).

        How many fellow introvert friends do you have ? As a girl you NEED someone to “protect” you from the outside world.
        Do you feel safe only when you are alone ? Do you have pets ?

        One of my former friend (adult) have social phobia and was even afraid of making eye contact, it took me years to help her because she didn’t have anyone willing during her teen years.

        Are you American / British ? Because in those cultures people are EXTRA loud, to the point that we non-americans see them as caricatures.

        P.S: I am writing you this only because you can’t just wait and hope it will get better someday.
        For boys the solution is much more simple: stop whining, fight back, don’t be a pussy, natural selection fuck yeah. Weak men are an abomination.

        Regards!

      • I don’t really agree with what you’re saying about things being so different for girls and boys. I don’t think I need protection, and I’m not 100% sure what you think I need protection from. If you mean like, rape, there are female sexual abusers too.

        Yeah, estrogen is probably messing up my brain right now, but that’s happening to a lot of other girls and they don’t seem to be doing any of the things I do. Do they just cope with it better? Or is something different happening to me?

        I do have many introvert friends (or at least they claim to be!). I am friends mostly with the “nerds” and “geeks” at my old school, but I think everyone at my new school is one or the other (apparently my school has the highest API in the state).

        I live in the United States, but my parents are Indian. And just so you know, “depression” is not a real thing in India. It’s a “made up disease for Americans to use drugs and get out of doing stuff.” Isn’t that helpful? It’s pretty obvious they wanted a boy, but ended up with me. Mostly because when we visited India last summer my extended family kept asking where my older brother was. I don’t have a brother.

        My parents are strict (I’m not supposed to date until I’m married! And probably an arranged marriage on top of that…). Maybe it would be helpful if they didn’t keep trying to turn me into a computer engineer. And if they would let me write about real things, not the silly little personal narratives we do in school. (Real things as in stuff that people actually want to read about)

        I really really really love small children and animals, and they seem to like me too. Little kids are cool because they can’t really be mean, and if they say something that seems rude, they mean it honestly. Also, they don’t care what you’ve done, just that you can make a ball disappear and reappear in your hand. Animals are just so playful and fun and they just like me. But not my younger sister. Just me! :D

      • It is different for boys and girls, it’s just happens that nowdays due to lower testosterone many boys are pussies, as a girl you can’t understand it.

        What I meant with protection from society is that it will try to change you since if you don’t fit in, you’re going to have problems and be isolated if you don’t have someone who stick around.
        I experienced it when I was a teen and it left me very bitter. I wish I went to a school full of nerds and geeks.

        OF COURSE they cope better ! The situation you have described is REALLY depressing !! Most girls of your age are much more independent.
        My family too consider Depression as just another word for lack of willpower.

        I suggest you to focus on some activity you really like and try to earn some early cash with it so you don’t have to depend on your parents after high school.

        Nice to hear that you like animals too.

      • Just out of curiosity, how do you picture me right now? I just want to know.

        I found a really awesome guy that’s just like me (I still have the same boyfriend though) and they’ve already diagnosed him with mild autism, which kinda freaks me out because he doesn’t act any different than I do.

    • I think you believe to much in “science” and you seem to care about how you may be “labelled” by people.

      Psychiatry is mostly crap, mild autism means very little, being gay or a political dissident used to be mental illnesses too!
      Every year they invent diseases to label people and sell “medications”.

      That is wonderful ! Know that as you age it will be more difficult to find “people like you”, it was a wise decision to keep your boyfriend, you know just in case.

      • Just…in case? In case of what?

        I just want to know why they think he’s any different from me. Because all my teachers think I’m some kind of angel or something. But really, I’m not.

        You said “the rest of us” when you were talking about America being especially loud. Where are you from? (not in a creeper kind of way, I’m just curious)

    • Exactly ! You never know when people may be useful that is why you should keep him until you can find a better replacement !

      I suppose you are a good student, you obey, you don’t make much commotion and you are polite. Teachers love that ! Plus introverted girls are tolerated more than introverted guys.

      Him, on the other hands if he is an outsider he will have it rough. Outsiders are kept to be despised !
      For guys have to be strong or they’ll be treated as shit ! I experienced it during my late teeen years when I was a closet schizophrenic.

      I don’t find it creepy at all and I wouldn’t even considered it as such if you didn’t write it !
      I am from Italy and since I have been raised in a higher culture sometimes I can’t belive that some weird american customs / behavior even exist and why are they so common.
      I kinda despise everything and everyone American aside from the author of this fine blog and NASA

      Regards

      • Yeah, from what I understand, America is something to despise, from the government to the obesity rates. Especially the education system. Schools don’t really teach how to think, they teach what to think, leaving the people who actually want to learn to find other methods to obtain information. Which is why I found this in the first place.

        I usually pretend to be good and stuff in school, I guess I am quiet and supportive, even when teachers are so obviously wrong it hurts. I would rather do that than have to talk to people face-to-face any more than necessary. I’m hoping that by the time I’m ready to go to college I’ll have published my book (or at least finished writing it!) and I’ll have some money for myself.

        But if that doesn’t happen, I guess I’ll have to go through college and become a slave to student loan debt for the rest of my life.

        I really hope I get that book done.

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