Introverts and Night Clubs

Night clubs embody a mentality that is inimical to my own. That is exactly why I have been drawn to them on occasion.

To grow we all need challenges and changes. Putting oneself in an unfamiliar insecure place is a good way of doing so.

I hate all the latest pop music and dislike dancing to it even more, yet I would get myself out on the dance floor and experiment.

Strangely, I find there is a place for night clubs in the life of an introvert.
Night clubs are full of crowds so it’s like an arena full of bumper cars at an amusement park.
No matter how much you screw up, there’s no real consequences.
Short of threatening or physically assaulting someone, you can try what you like and see what happens.
You’ll make a fool of yourself again and again, but you’re a stranger. You’ll never again see all those other people.
You can keep trying and trying until you’re up to speed with everyone else.
At a night club, an introvert has that great ally of anonymity on their side.
Really, it’s not so different from posting articles online under silly pseudonyms such as “Gluon the Ferengi.”

You don’t even have to make a whole lot of conversation, the music is so damn loud most of the time that no one can really say anything except by shouting at the top of their lungs into each other’s ears. It really is reduced to raw chemistry.

For introverts who are behind in social development, bars and nightclubs can be a lifesaver. They are a place to remedy HID(Human Interaction Deficiency); it’s easy to satisfy the craving for physical contact with others. They are laboratories for scientific experiments in human social behavior.

Indeed, there’s no better place to take a starry-eyed romantic than a night club. In a night club, the reproductive market is laid bare. About 10% of men get most of the female attention. The rest of men struggle tooth and claw for the crumbs left over from the feast. Women get in free; men pay a cover charge. The currents of supply and demand reign supreme.
The lesson:
Women are valuable, the perpetuators of the species. Each is a bottleneck determining the potential for growth of the human population.
Men are cannon fodder, plain and simple. One man left alive after a slaughter can fertilize thousands of women.
But the top few men are the most valued humans of all.

Now, I have said before that I don’t consider myself to be one of the pickup artists. Their cynical, nihilistic ideas are a moral and intellectual dead end.
I don’t like the whole zero sum mentality of night clubs, but they do reveal our underlying instinctual drives and the social trends that must inevitably result.

If you observe one night in a night club you will understand why it is men who go to war and not women.
All those traditions that were simply handed down to us are suddenly explained.

Pickup artists embrace the nightclub mentality. As for me, going to clubs is a way of getting to know the enemy: ourselves.

If a Subtle person is to turn away from the surface world, they should first know what they turn from and why.
In night clubs, one can find the very quintessence of the Surface world. Everything you need to know to make a decision can be found there.

Ultimately I find:
The surface world has many privileges and pleasures, but is weak when it comes to meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.

Fulfillment is the greater good to me, even if happiness were the price. For the word ‘happiness’ in our modern language is just another of the pleasures.

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25 responses to “Introverts and Night Clubs

  1. Nightclubs are a haven for low-to-average IQ lower class people (who I suspect are mostly SPs per the MBTI). That’s different from you on every one of these material measures.

    • Clubs are a way to get out of the comfort zone for a little while. If the clubs start becoming comfortable. It’s probably time to move on to other things.

      I’ve noticed that people in night clubs don’t seem to be the thinkers of our society.
      That’s why night clubs can be great places to study the nature of human instinct.

      Everyone there is in a hurry to pair up and mate while the clock ticks away.

      The whole throbbing mass of people with all the bright lights and loud music are like a cloud of mayflies swarming above a pond with no mouthparts and one day to get it on.

      The artificial urgency in the night club setting contributes to the club’s revelatory nature. Groups of people are reduced down to their biological imperatives and one can observe important patterns by watching their behavior.

  2. I have a theory that the whole PUA genre is nothing more than a money-making scam. It draws on an innate drive and combines that with exploitation of male insecurity to create a lucrative market for books that say nothing, seminars that tech nothing, and the promotion of a lifestyle that goes nowhere.

    See, the beauty in pick-up is that it will never work well. The fact is that girls are all individuals as well and no matter how skilled the pick-up artist, many many girls simply will not go home with him–it’s just not who they are just as how all men are not womanizers. The media has created this image of some supreme male who lays any and all women. This man does not exist–at least not outside of his element. What is the PUA’s element? Easy women–be she a superficial and insecure material girl or an educated professional. She has to want it before he can get it. My ultimate point is that outside of the context of easy women, the PUA is nothing more than a CREEPER.

    So men fail, and men feel bad about themselves, and they buy books and go to seminars where they listen to peculiarly-dressed men ramble on about nonsensical jokes and gimmicks with which to bemuse females. I really is a circus and it deserves no reverence!

    “The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures–-which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value.”

  3. You’re hardly the only person to wonder if PUA is a scam. It might very well be.
    Or at least, it’s not worth major investments of time and money.
    Because whether or not they deliver on their promises they just don’t have very much to offer. They don’t really have anything to say about life, relationships, a future, or a purpose. All they’ve got is pickup, which is a dead end.

  4. Eye enjoy nightclubs. The booze, the grinding, the music- a plethora of stimulation, where the base and reptilian are put on display…Not an avid goer, but the times eye’ve gone, mostly thoroughly enjoyable. As for obseravtionary, I prefer more normal slice of life … public transportation holds reams of data on human interaction.

    • I think ewe will find I agree with ewe on this one.

      While there is value in witnessing the reptilian, the base impulses do not comprise the whole, just as a foundation does not
      determine all the characteristics of the building raised upon it.
      PUAs commonly make the mistake of assuming that the reptilian impulses are somehow the ‘true’ or only impulses.
      It’s just part of their whole cynical realpolitik world view.

      Realpolitik cynicism is certainly a tempting lure for the thoughtful person but game theory falls flat on its face when there’s two countries who each have nukes. Game theory pushes both towards brinksmanship to get a highest payoff at all costs. Realpolitik types tend to forget that life is a series of games within games, not one game. They tend to lose track of which games are most important and think themselves clever for it.

    • I’ve been to night clubs perhaps 6-7 times in my life.

      I haven’t been at all in a couple years because I really have no interest while I’m in a relationship.

      Blood avidly describes it all as the “base and the reptilian.” He’s right. Not too much of the cerebral cortex involved.
      It’s a very hostile threatening place for a thoughtful person. As I said, it’s the very antithesis. It is a challenge.

  5. I’m a super-mega-duper-extreme introvert, and I LOVE clubs.

    I used to hate them, for years in fact. I’d go in, hate the loud music, the “phony people”, the weird atmosphere and what not.

    Today I go into a club, and I feel like its MY part, like I put it on. And weirdly enough (get this) I don’t even “hear” any loud music. I mean there is music, but oddly enough, I don’t perceive it as being “too loud”… I dance my ass off and get approached by chicks all night long.

    Physically I’m the same guy, but my relationship to nightclubs has changed immensely. So I’d definitely say its not something innate.

  6. I’m pretty sure that I will go my entire life without visiting a club unless I go to a jazz club for the music. I’d like to observe other people without being seen. Try having lewd advances from creepy older men just walking down the street?! I loathe everything that clubs represent. I’d love to sit on the balcony of a restaurant and watch people, or even sit on a park bench- why would I involve myself with drunken idiots unnecessarily?

    I’m probably not a valuable woman since I’m not interested in having children. You make it sound as if it’s easy being a woman in the dating world. It is very easy if you’re not selective.

    • For most men, it is very difficult even if you’re not selective at all.

      It’s estimated that perhaps 40-50% of men have ever succeeded in reproducing. For females the success rate is 80%+.

      I’m not saying life is easy for anyone. However, the whole reproductive game is tremendously more difficult if you’re a man. Unless one is rich or occupies a prestigious social position, obtaining any partner at all of any level of desirability is uncertain.
      All it takes is one prolific rock star to put a thousand men out of the game.

      As a female, your biological impulses drive you to be far more selective than any male could ever be.
      Firstly: Because you can be.
      Secondly: Whatever decision you make, you could be stuck with it for the next 9 months and 18 years thereafter.

      You needn’t concern yourself with unwanted advances for more than a decade or two. As your body’s process of hidden ovulation approaches its conclusion, your hormonal profile will change. Correspondingly, the markers of fertility that inevitably attract male attention will cease. Then you can live in peace.

      That said: I often wonder why females don’t get more enjoyment from being on the favorable side of an asymmetrical balance of power.

      Men, forced into desperate zero sum competition are an easily exploitable resource. With the option of contraception, they can be exploited far more extensively than would have previously been possible and without the return of offspring to reward the males’ struggles.

      Female power is at present truly unparalleled:
      -Many of the risks of childbirth have been drastically reduced by modern medicine.
      -Contraception allows an unprecedented level of choice in who will be the father and when. Also, freedom to obtain resources as needed without getting pregnant.

      Your ‘value’ as assessed by men, lies in your potential for child-bearing rather than in your absence of plans to bear children. Actually, the fact that you have not yet had children by another man greatly increases your value.

      • Nope, advances from crude, stupid and ugly older men are not flattering. You’re living in a fantasy world. I also already said that I am not interested in reproduction. The favorable side- huh? I’ll take the higher pay check please, I’m not interested in dating and mating. I do not care what “value” men I am uninterested in choose to assign me with. Their needs are irrelevant. I am an individual, much as you are- not just “a woman”. Feel free to chase after reproduction… I’ll be busy studying and reading things. I do not consider the opinions of men who access my value by my ability to bear children. I will sterilize myself very soon. You sound like a bitter old man, I feel sorry for you. Do not assume that everyone places the same values on mating and dating. You also made the assumption that I am a straight woman. How does your argument apply to lesbians? (Not claiming to be one) Men can definitely be selective, most men have physical preferences for their chosen partners, the best men care more about personality.

        Is your blog about introversion or misogyny?

      • I fail to see how I’ve been misogynistic. Generally speaking, women are looking for social status, men for fertility.
        I can understand the ‘uncle’ part might lead people conclude that I’m an older male. I’m not actually an uncle in real
        life(though I would like to be one). It’s a reference to Uncle Quark from Deep Space 9. Whatever my age, I can’t fathom how it’s relevant here.
        Hmm, something Latiny for ‘ageism’ how about ‘senescistic’?

        There is no reason not to live life as you wish. However, there will be less people like you in the next generation.
        Indeed, an era where people have more choices might result in a human race less able to make choices inimical to the
        perpetuation of the species.
        This could be one of the driving forces behind a process some call ‘dysgenics.’
        Though I’m not sure if ‘eu’ or ‘dys’ are valid distinctions if whatever breeds is by definition most fit.

      • Two cents from a person who is “not a woman”.

        I admire your individualism. But unfortunately, the world does not run according to our ways and wishes. And that is one of the main reasons why this blog is being written and read: Thoughts about and ways of withstanding the world in which some do not “fit in”.

        How are the men making the advances supposed to know about your ideas beforehand? This situation is much similar to what an introvert experiences: How are extroverts supposed to know about introverted tendencies when they see a face that looks sad?

  7. quote~”Everything you need to know to make a decision can be found there”…
    in a night club. in a night club? even the answer to my life’s calling? my greatest potential? (which BTW, I am currently trying to find) can be found in a night club? you say?…blink blink…

    is my life’s purpose to be a disc jockey? one that sounds like a sports announcer? this is how a sports anouncer sounds : RAAAAAAAW BLAH BLAH BLAH, YOU WIN THE PRIZE FOR being the 50th person to walk in wearing a spandex dress contest! “congratulations…your dress shows off your ass cheeks”, how nice… maybe a sports announcer!… …my life’s calling, or! a bimbo…a bimbo who aspires to wear the exact same spandex dress as every other girl (or guy) in the club. Hmmmm…a dancer! wait…I could be on a reality show!… … …

    • A decision about who you are and which course you want to pursue as a person.
      If you’ve been insulated and isolated, a night club is a place to go and get a glimpse of the orthodox social culture in full force.

      I imagine that night clubs aren’t the best place for career counseling.

  8. Not sure how this turned into an attack against anything female, but I think you’re spot-on about the intriguing value of night clubs for the intellectual (introvert )who, normally, would never have any interest or attraction to them.

    An introvert, being naturally analytical, has quite an advantage in a night club over the more desperate, less aware, extrovert majority.

    When I’ve been in nightclubs, I always noticed a sense of being highly aware of everything going on around me, even after a few drinks, to the extent that I felt I was the only person awake and ‘seeing’ what was happening and being able to clearly predict what would happen next in a sea of sleeping individuals.

    Most people attend that type of scene to intoxicate (dull inhibitions) in order to more comfortably socialize with the goal of ‘some’ measure of gratification from the simple experience of making or joining with friends to the greatest accomplishment of picking up a mate and going home at the end of the night for sex.

    Yet, I found it far more interesting just to watch and observe all the sleeping individuals desperate for attention, companionship or sex.

    To most of the crowd, this is the ultimate goal. To me, it was a chance outcome that ‘might’ be fleetingly fulfilling followed by a morning of awkwardness, hangover and a week or two of reflection upon the whole incident and what I’d actually gained or lost in the process, i.e. Money, Health, Face.

  9. Pingback: Introverts and Night Clubs | Neurodiversity

  10. Pingback: Introverted dancers | Theaom

  11. I’ve been to a club twice. And each time I left thinking I would never come back to that place to waste time when I could be somewhere else actually enjoying myself instead of forcefully put myself among a crowd of people trying to have sex with each other or pretending to have sex with each other through dance to get some kind of validation? And then stand like an idiot doing small talk sipping a crappy tasting beer in a short skirt for a bunch of neanderthals to look up though. Stupid waste of time. I felt like such a sheep then. Never done it again. Highly unlikely I do it again. Plus it feels awkward and dangerous, and I’d hate to go out with my “acquaintances”. I don;t want to talk bullshit to seem “normal” and appeal to them and entertain them or whatever. Anyway, stupid experience in my opinion, I wouldn’t go back for any experiment. Maybe you do that cause you are male.

    • tedoymisojos, that is exactly how I feel about clubs summed up perfectly. And I’m a male. I’ve been out to a few clubs in the past several weeks while at college because everyone I’ve met here insists that I come out for a “good time” (being such an introvert, I personally cannot fathom how people find deafening music, trivial small talk, making out with complete strangers and acting like a drunken pisshead all night to be in any way a “good time”). I actually went out last night upon insistence from all the others and I found it to be a terrible and tedious experience. I’ve tried to enjoy myself and at least fit in but to no avail.
      OP, you can keep your “social experiments”. If you’re finding yourself drawn to nightclubs on occasion then maybe you’re not as introverted as you might think.

  12. I have been reading through your blog and wow it is really eye opening. Its amazing how being introverted you can have many of the same thoughts and feelings. It makes me feel less crazy. As for the topic I “enjoy” night clubs and I am a female. I have been a few times. I agree with a lot of the points made. As a female though I get attention that I feel a male does not understand (and may never as I feel our mindsets are different). I dress perfectly modest and still get grabbed at and grinded on. (not that dressing so deters males anyway) Well that is the only reason that keeps me from clubs (and other tasteless behavior they attract). I go with people I know well. I couldn’t imagine going by myself or with people I hardly know. Also I’d like to add I enjoy dancing. Its a great way to express myself. I like the music played as well (sans lyrics). I will dance with a gentlemen who I feel approached correct (no grinding or anything). Dancing is an integral part of the culture I am from.Though clubs are not my scene it has a lot of things I don’t like but things I do.

  13. First of all, introverted male, early 30’s, had 3 girlfriends, 7 one night stands, and around 30-40 prostitutes. I think telling who we are gives a greater feel to the post we lay it down and helps everyone else out there that is studing life, as most introverts are “most” of the time, that is, I too have fallen to conform with society plenty of times. But anyhow on to clubs… I think the region and music style makes a great difference on the introverted experience of the club. Since I’m in Brazil, most clubs play the worst music for introverted males that could ever exist, you known the “typical latin ballroom dancing”, every South American country has them: Salsa, Merengue, Samba, Forró, Tango and the list goes on. I say those are the worst because as our host has said in plenty of posts, nomaly introverted males fell behind their peers during the formative year on their social interactions and that has shaped their whole life, since we humans are social beings. Be it for shyness while we were younger, lack of examples, or maybe something that I’ve been thinking about lately, simply a natural introverted reaction of having to do what everybody esle is doing, or telling us that is a good thing to do even if it feels completely unatural, like dancing “paird dances” or seducing women thru “game”. I have gotten with some girls thru game. It does work, I have no doubt about it, but as some have said, for the introverted male, at least with me it was so, I did not feel a deep sense of well being of getting the girl using it, because it was just not me. Another example, wanting so much to do as the experts say we should do: make our selves more atractive to the opposite sex, have gone as far as taking dancing classes with and without partners, and I have not been able to learn one single dance. And I don’t think it is the cause of the so called “2 left feet curse”, but because I as an introverted male, cannot be led, I lead. So every time every single person has tried to teach me how to dance, were they females, or gay males, the always said the typical “follow me”, and I just could not do it. It was like some mafia dudes trew cemente on my feet and let it dry so I just couldn’t move. But don’t get me wrong, I have on plenty of occasions taken the lead on women on these types of dances on the dance floor, and you known, not being able to move the way the girls were used to the norm, completely distroyed whatever attraction the girl eventually had and my chances of mating, but also interestingly, I have absolutely no problem and dancing free-style types of music as eletronic music for example that does not have a single format to be followed and allows the dancer a free willed option of choosing whatever moves his body/spirit wants to perform as he/she feel the music inside. I found that to be a very enjoyable experience. I was dancing for enjoyent not for mating and that can be a real pleasure that I think maybe only some girls and introverted guys are able to embrace. I say some girls because as you known for the extroverted female, usually they are there to show-off to the other females how they can command the scene. It really is easy to see if you go the one of these places and take a detached look at things. And the introverted females, well they still get to dance since they have “the goods” that all men are there looking for. So we had to adpt, some of us used alcohol/drugs in excess, others masturbation, some of us total reclusion, some even homosexuality now that it is more acceptable, some of us conforming to society’s resolution to the imbalance of power of sexual relations: mate with someone that doesn’t interests you by buying the person with what they want, be it money or social status. Yes years of mating, clubbing and relating with others while being a introverted male will take you to this clonclusion, it is all about the imbalance of power on the sexual relation the big problem, and at no other place is this more evident than the club. But as I said it can be a enjoyable experience for the dancing it self.

  14. This is one nice topic. I really enjoyed reading this + the replies and comments. I never thought of my self as an introvert, but wow, after reading all of this and many other blogs, i started to think. It’s like if I’m reading about my self, how weird is that.
    Anyways, I really liked the work done here and I wish to find more.

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