JNET

I suppose it’s nice to be popular at the parties, president of a club, valedictorian, varsity athlete, and prom royalty all in one. But just as in adult society it takes absolute dedication and cutthroat competition to make it to the top.
As in adult society: if you’re not at the top then someone is above you. There’s that time honored nugget of wisdom that my Dad learned in the military: “Shit rolls downhill.”

All of this means that many extroverted adults work non-stop and if they slip just a little (very easy to do in our society) they will lose a significant source of their self-esteem and happiness. Thus, they are NEVER in complete control of their happiness and well being. Loss of control over those two concepts are frequently cited as a cause of depression.

It is very easy to be happy as an extroverted kid or teenager, especially if you are a woman that is not hideous. Life is an endless party! What more could be better?

But once the transition to full blown adulthood completes, the extrovert is entrenched in a constant struggle for status and a striving for ideals and values that may not be in line with their own.

I’ve noticed over the years that extroverts tend to be much more demanding of life and much harder to please. They have to be living in the ‘fast lane’ to stay stimulated. They have to maintain ‘upward mobility’ to feel like they’re ‘going somewhere in life.’ They have to outcompete others so they do not feel like ‘losers.’ Their self image, their self worth, their sense of purpose and fulfillment is all tied to what others think and expect. If happy, they do not own their own happiness. It belongs to everyone but themselves and as such it can evaporate without a moment’s warning.
Like addicts, nothing they get is enough. The higher the pleasures they enjoy, they harder it becomes to get the next high. They lack the spiritual moderation required to find a stable place in life.

Time after time, I’ve seen extroverts with lives and privileges I can’t even imagine no happier than they were before they fought their way up the ladder. Once I was envious of such people. I’ve learned better in years since.
I guess you are supposing that I’ve gone out of my way to delude myself to make life easier on me.
I’m supposing the easy approach to the situation would be to conclude that all the extroverts are indeed happy, dazzling, sparkling celebrities. After all, this is the popular, accepted view. It’s easy to believe what everyone else already believes. It would provide me role models to emulate, goals, and I wouldn’t have to waste my time writing a blog or fussing about the ennui of modern existence.

Maybe I got tired of having a one person pity party and decided to turn around and attack the happy extroverts as an outlet for my frustration.
Or maybe I perceived the system isn’t all its said to be, that the promises of extroverted success are empty. Maybe I saw the whole society around me and how people lived their lives chasing a dream of happiness instead of living it. Maybe having been a misfit, I began to realize that I was finding happiness in my life without doing any of the things I was supposed to do, without having all the things I was supposed to have.

So many people are in this ‘OMG must save 1 million dollars for retirement’ mode. What does retirement matter if the last four decades of relative youth have been wasted? Only a fool could believe that anyone could spend decades as a chronic worker and then instantly turn around and be someone else. Our habits become who we are. Thus we constantly see workers who have compensated for lack of personal development across an entire lifetime with yet more work. When they reach retirement, they inevitably find themselves facing a yawning emptiness that sends them scrambling to keep busy. After decades, one’s profession really is one’s identity and retirement is not so much a well earned rest until death as it is an exercise in coping with a sudden and major life change.

Does it occur to anyone that the longer we wait to live life, the higher the probability it will be too late?

Unambitious, I watch hordes of people unhappily reaching the end of the exhausting professional slog and hope for something better in the long run.

I agree with this completely. It gets on my nerves sometimes to live in a culture which treats me as a failure simply for being happy with what I have.