I’m writing this as a male, I welcome introvert females who want to comment, add to, or correct me on this matter.
To begin with, women introverts are rarer than their male counterparts. Or at least, those women considered introverted are still considerably more social in nature than their male counterparts.
I’ve met a few in my lifetime who really fit the description. In general they had a horrible time growing up, same as males, but the nature of their experience was quite different.
Because truly introverted behavior is so unusual in women, it begets some truly nasty reactions. Every pair of parents wants and expects their daughter to be bright, happy, social, and cheerful. Little girls are expected to be pleasing and put a warm fuzzy feeling in everyone’s(especially daddy’s) tummy. Everyone wants their little girl to be a golden girl. Most girls step right into this role with glee and thrive on the attention they’re given.
Yet now that I’ve met introvert females I’ve seen the special treatment and attention girls get has its sinister side. There quite simply is no place for girls who behave differently or who don’t fulfill their narrow expectations. Such girls are thought of us as ‘strange’ and are kept out of sight for fear of shame while sunny extroverts are flaunted. Some parents are understanding, but the introvert girls I’ve known have had at least one parent who reacted negatively to them from a young age.
Most introverted girls tell me that they don’t get along well with other girls, least of all the social hostesses, soccer moms, and sorority girls.
Like men, they endured a lot of teasing from both sexes while growing up.
While introvert men are shut away entirely from the world of romance and relationships, introvert girls just end up in bad relationships because of low self esteem during their teenage years.
Unlike other girls who keep making this same mistake all their lives, an introvert woman’s heart hardens and she learns her lesson quickly. She becomes one of those rare and precious women who isn’t chasing millionaires and movie stars.
Introvert women are much more pragmatic and analytical than other women, more so than most men. They value fairness in a relationship and treasure the quality of a relationship over the material things that can be extracted from it.
While many women speak loudly and rapidly, introvert women tend to speak more slowly and deliberately. They love spending time outdoors and wear less makeup than other women.
They have a deep appreciation for spells of silence and natural beauty.
They are often superb writers with a lot of creativity and flair for describing the details.
Introvert women always amaze me because they basically contradict everything male cynics have said for centuries.
The sad thing is that most of them, even as adults don’t understand just how precious they are.
59 Comments
The lower frequency of female introverts is due to less of them on the far right of the bell curve – which is interesting because whereas high IQ men tend to have less testosterone than the average man, high IQ women have higher testosterone than the average woman. Doesn’t this combination seem to describe the upper middle class yuppies?
Hmmm. Maybe there’s an ideal testosterone level for IQ then? Men need to lose some, women need to gain some?
I hate the Bell Curve therefore I will not comment either here or there on it. However is there a stat that shows how men introverted women there are to men? In addition, there are many popular blogs out there by introverted women such as quikyalone and the intorverts corner. The comments are packed with introverted women. You should check it out and get a more diverse understanding of introversion. It is not simply based on IQ.
This post surprised me. I had just about given up reading on account of not being able to relate to any of your posts about the difficulties men face when dealing with women. The female stereotypes you described felt wrong, if not completely offensive.
I’m a female introvert — very introvert.
I’m sure everyone has difficult times growing up, but my childhood was by no means horrible. I have amazing parents, who are also introverts. I was always encouraged to be happy, pleasant, and social, but I was never forced.
While encouragement from parents, teachers, and friends often felt more like nagging (or worse), I’m glad I was exposed to some level of ‘social pressure’ as a kid. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t need the adaptive skills I’ve acquired, but it isn’t perfect, so I do, and I’m glad that I’m not completely socially awkward.
I had both male and female friends growing up. I still do, although being in a male-dominated field has shifted that a little bit as I’ve grown up.
I find it interesting that you assume female introverts have low self-esteem. I’m pretty sure I don’t have that problem. I’m pretty sure most of the female introverts I know don’t either
I don’t wear makeup. There’s something phony about it, it feels unnatural, and costs a lot in time and money. I might reconsider when men start wearing it too.
I don’t think consider myself a superb writer, and I certainly don’t write details with any flair, but I do tend to notice and appreciate details in general.
I’ve always found extrovert people and activities unpleasant and tiring, but unfortunately the world is full of them. I think it’s important that introverts learn to deal with it in their own ways. Often the best way is avoidance, but it shouldn’t always be the case. While living as an introvert often feels unjust, it’s unreasonable to expect extroverts to understand everything about introverts, let alone read our minds. However unnatural and difficult it is, introverts need to be part of society. We need to learn to talk to and engage with extroverts.
Thank you for tuning in, Hannah.
Most female introverts I’ve known were very insecure back in high school but have since become far stronger than those who put them down.
And yes it comes as no surprise that you’re not completely socially awkward. As I’ve mentioned, that level of severity is mainly a guy thing. Ladies in general seem to have the advantage in social situations.
Female introverts I’ve talked to have had female friends, but not many of them and they rarely gather in huge groups like other women do. They are often more comfortable around men or working in a field that attracts primarily males. The life and death concerns of other women such as fashion and makeup can be hard for them to empathize with.
Their aesthetic appreciation often translates into highly skilled writing with lots of insightful description.
Yes, we have to interact with extroverts because the world is full of them. That’s life. Just because we’re forced to interact with them at jobs/school doesn’t mean we’re part of their society.
Yes, we need to be part of a society since humans are social creatures. Ideally this society should not be unnatural or difficult but nurturing. When a social group fails in its support role, human beings start looking elsewhere.
There is not much room for actually explaining our true natures to extroverts.
Keeping them in a situation where they ‘read our minds’ is ideal. That way they think of us as having their same fundamental assumptions and motives.
Past a certain point, it becomes increasingly difficult and dangerous to engage with extroverts because all the basic differences in world view and personal preference start to come out.
Philosophyforums.
I Am MaxVilly.
Introverion are to me one meaning, to me, that I am comfortable to live alone in far longer take-offs through time.
I feel I have now rid most pressure on what “Iam”, and others. Less of the Introvert, vs. Extrovert.
Because it’s not fair to me, to categorize in this broad aspects.
Some people I just do not want to hang around. It might be becasue they have a certain life style that I am not intrested in living. (party, meeting up, conversations about..well…less important subjets.)
The world is now a malware of destructive news, and it’s over the top. /western societies speaking.
I start to get the psychological aspects of extroverts and introverts.
It may just seem as we are different. But both have weaknesses.
My biggest fear, is to lose my self awareness, and the critical thought aspect in me, as I value.
It may just be two different ways to look at life. At the same time, we live in our own type of circus.
We can judge others, stand their and watch their stupidity or try to make them change and think different about acts or how “we” think.
Most people are followers. Only a few % are leaders, another tiny % speakers, with manipulative traits. The second, not to confuse with Evil.
I believe there’s good in every one of us. It is just a matter of “thinking” and to sell the good thought, to those who fear.
Now to Topic. Females.
Females who are extroverted can call themself introvert in their lack of inseight in their own self being.
It is not to thumb down, on Hannah J.
But women, seems to have a harder time to categorize people, and objects. They seems to let things go a lot quicker, than what men do.
Hannah??
I have my job as in amateur photograhpy.
But when I ask what females believe are shown to them on an image, they are incapable of getting it right. (abstract, details,) – With this mentioned I am for certain sure the majority of females are this way, but a tiny % of females seems to be detail orginated, too.
As extroverted women seems to run their mind on complete auto-pilot and sometimes get lost on superficial and meaningless beliefs.
The opposite to that for men. I have no clue really.
They are just dull and boring, I guess…maybe that’s the fake maley men, you know “damn pussy, kick that football, kid!”
As Oprah tv work as an example to medial destruction. Her tvshows has thumbed down the ones wise to become women, and leave them dumber off, than if there was no “O”
I can never think of an life with an extrovert partner. I detest flakyness. Not just in men, but women, too.
What I want is class & brains. Somebody who have their feet on nature, as mentioned in your article.
Women who do NOT care about what everybody else are doing, and money.
Self-independet women. Without having to show off that “they are self-independance”.
That’s what the extroverts women seems to, do. Well of course, women need encouragement too. Maybe that’s what missing, in this type of age. From men.
Peace.
Johan
Nice to see you again Max. I trust things are well in Sweden?
Your concern about having a flaky partner who is slave to mass media fashions is quite real.
Being in a relationship with someone who subscribes to the larger culture can be very destructive. They can bring in a lot of influences into one’s life that could be normally avoided. They are by nature a weakness and liability in one’s life. A proper partner should be a source of strength!
Above all, the thought of a pop-woman raising my kids, especially a daughter, horrifies me. She would expose the kids to everything I would want to keep them safe from, everything about the modern culture I despise.
I’ve seen families who minimize their kids’ exposure to the larger popular culture. Invariably these kids turn out to be more mellow, more respectful, nicer, and happier all around.
I am an introverted female, and I agree with many of the points that unclegluon made. For one thing, I have never really been bright, happy, and cheerful. Yeah, there are times when I feel really good and I show happiness, but for the most part, I am a moody, depressive person. I don’t take my moods out on others, unless I am really annoyed, but I also don’t put on a show for people by acting cheerful and smiling for other peoples benefit. I just have never been able to do that. And I’ve never really gotten along well with other girls for very long. I remember, in elementary school, I formed friendships with a click of tight-knit girls right away, when I was a new student. They welcomed me to their group and I felt good about that, but at the same time, I didn’t have much in common with any of them. And by the end of that school year, I maintained a couple of the friendships but I was no longer part of the group the way I was at the beginning of the school year, because my personality was just different. And ever since then, it’s always been the same kind of experience with girls that I have met in my academic career and in social situations. The only women that I am ever really friendly with are the ones who seem laid back and openminded and don’t make a big deal over everything and are also caring and genuinely friendly. But I’ve never felt comfortable around very extroverted girls or very extroverted women. What I find with the very extroverted ones is that they tend to dominate the social environment and they want everyone to look at them.
Also, I used to write alot when I was younger and I find that I communicate best in writing, as many introverts do. I actually want to write a book at some point, but I am battling depression right now, and I don’t have the motivation or drive to be able to do it at this time.
I am a female introvert and I find that it is not acceptable for you to be a woman and spend time alone. I recently moved and my husband’s friends and family, who live in the area, do not understand that I CAN NOT be attached at their hips. It drains me to the point where I need rest. Even my husband, who had no problem with me being and introvert when we lived near my family is now asking why I can not spend time with people.
I had this same problem with my first and second marriage. I was labeled the family snob or lazy. I made sure to talk to him about this when we first met. He was happy to have someone who was not hanging off of him all the time. I even had a heart to heart about being an introvert with my current husband and his family before I moved near them. They made all of the “we understand” gestures but immediately started in with the hard press for me to conform.
I have lived here about 7 months and I have slipped into such a depression that I am giving serious thought to packing up and moving away, with or with out my husband.
I have always needed the alone time to function. I don’t feel that my self esteem is any lower than most people. I have always enjoyed writing, and being in nature gives me a boost to the system. I did grow up with a family were it was better not to be seen or heard. When I am in public or a social situation, I do well for short periods of time. I get a lot of flack when I’m ready to leave early. I usually end up staying and faking it until my jaw is hurting from smiling.
In my opinion, it is easier for a man to be and introvert. He can always play up that strong silent type thing. Introvert women are dislike and mistrusted by people. In modern society women are still expected to be super moms, helpful daughter in laws, and cut throat business women. All of those things require a lot of social effort to be labeled as socially successful.
Social climbing women really dislike us. We don’t fall over ourselves to compete to be part of their bake sales and car pools. I have always been the girl who thought for herself and took her own path. Socially, it is a hard life for women introverts.
My dream is to have a business I can run from home. I would like to move to a small cabin in the woods, take walks in nature and enjoy being me. I do not think I am meant to have a marriage.
Since women are expected to be uniformly vivacious and outgoing it is no surprise that a female introvert would run into such troubles.
I notice that women form into groups within minutes whether the first day of college, the social time after a Sunday service, or a night club.
I hadn’t realized until your response, that part of the reason girls instantly group up is that any who fail to go along will be crushed. No middle ground between cutthroat competition and ostracism. To some extent, this phenomenon exists in all social groups. I call it The False Choice of Participation
I also notice that there usually is an alpha female at the center of a group busily coordinating all the bake sales, convening knitting circles, or organizing a protective network of human shields around her at the night club. Anyone she points a finger at, even a member of her circle instantly becomes subject to the group’s aggression.
I once had the misfortune to cross such a lady once at a church service. I was just tagging along with some
Christian friends of mine that morning and I didn’t want to just be freeloading at their after-service luncheon. So I made some cookies from my Mom’s recipe that morning and brought them fresh out of the oven and with all the chocolate chips still melty.
As I was about to put down my cookies at the table, a middle-aged woman swept into the room and took one look at my cookies. They’re a crowd pleaser once people taste them, but there is nothing ornate about them. Plus they were on a paper plate inside a plastic gallon bag to keep the chocolate chips from cooling off. A look of disgust and contempt crossed her face. No cute sprinkles on the cookies I could see her thinking, not even served up on a platter or porcelain dish.
“They’re not Chinese.” she grandly pronounced. “Everything today must be Chinese.”
Apparently the ladies of this church competed for bids to bring food on Sundays. Her meal was Chinese-themed apparently and she saw my attempt to contribute as a pitiful attempt at competition. Especially pitiful coming from a man, a creature beneath feminine status struggles.
In a far too sweet voice and with a tight facial expression she ordered me to take my cookies out of that room with sentences that grammatically we would call requests. The air nearly crackled with her hostility and I wondered if having stepped unwittingly into the female status system, I had experienced a glimpse of what goes on regularly between women.
unclegluon, you’re right about the alpha female at the center of a group This is the one who definitely feels like she is running the show, and it is quite obvious what her mentality is. She thinks of herself as the one who is adored by the rest of the group. I worked with a woman like that, and I also had the misfortune of crossing her, because I found her to be highly annoying.
A question that has perplexed me: Why are girls so submissive to someone who is bossy and annoying? Why are they content to be ruled over by a ‘strong’ person. Because they need someone to give them direction and belonging?
Alpha males can’t be as overtly bossy to their underlings or they’ll have a mutiny on their hands. They tend to treat lower ranked men as little brothers and put them in their place by acting ‘big’ and slapping the smaller guy on the back. It’s a careful balance, because if they make other guys lose too much face, they won’t be alpha for long.
Thus the female situation perplexes me all the more. If the alpha female decides she likes/doesn’t like someone the entire group of girls follows along with her instantly and without question. Why such slavish dedication? The lead woman doesn’t even have to say anything or snap her fingers. The other girls instantly key in on her facial expression and body language and follow suit. Is this kind of collection action just instinctual among girls?
I answered this question in my last post. I just forgot to hit reply.
I dealt with the same issue! You are not alone. What bothers me the most is that as a society we have a tendency to consider ourselves as ones who value “independence” and “individuality” which is obviously a falsehood. We do not value this one bit and we base someone’s value on how many friends they have and he said, she said. The strength of the introvert is being able to resist “groupthink” and walk to the beat of his or her own drum. Thinking of this is the only thing that keeps me going when dealing with societal misconceptions around who I am.
When I hear all of the stuff about women bonding and being able to form friendships forever I just want to scream. Both men and women can find friends that they are friends with for life. Women tend to pack and turn vicious. You are correct about there usually being one lead female who swings her power around like a sledge hammer.
When I was in first grade I made the social killing mistake of making friends with a girl who wore a leg brace. Until then I was accepted easily into the popular girls. We all know what it means to be a popular girl. I was taught a lesson, if the group makes fun of someone and you stand up for them then you are the new person they pick on.
I moved a lot as a kid and found that I was accepted quickly into popular groups until they learned I was an introvert who did not go along with making other people feel like crap or have a need to socialize like sheep.
I even went into the social service profession. I thought I would be helping people but I found that all of the evil chicks from high school went into social services and became upper management. I’ve also ran into a huge number of these women in the teaching profession. After five years of working with social services I am drained. I even moved to a new state and found it was worse. I was expected to conform and place people with money and connections above people with needs. I was to socialize with lawyers and the Judge as if I was in 1950′s aristocratic south. They acted like working for social services meant you was a member of a social club and you should act like a socialite in the community. I stood up to the pack and watched as my reputation was destroyed and I was terminated. I worked there 5 months. Add that to new friends and relatives wanting me to conform to their social lives and I am ready to run away and become a hermit.
I am now done with social services and I want to stay even more isolated. Now I am looking for a new career path that will allow me as much alone time as possible.
I’ve heard the glibly pronounced ‘friends forever’ line multiple times from girls who just met each other a few hours ago. I can understand your frustration in this respect because the ladies that cast this line about seem as though they’re ironically among the least likely to form lasting friendships.
Every work environment also becomes a social environment, especially in professions in which socially oriented people predominate. This harsh truth has caused me to wonder, would an organization full of less-social individuals be more focused on achieving the organization’s stated goals? Would social politicking and bureaucratic scuffles be mind-numbingly typical in an introvert workplace? Are people skills so valuable mostly because most people are extroverts?
As with bars, each profession attracts a certain very specific sort of person. I’m beginning to suspect that knowing the type of person a given job attracts might be most important to long term success in that field.
I too have walked into jobs where doing the job was secondary to winning the social scene. Naturally I didn’t fit in. I really try hard just to keep my head down when I’m on the job and not stand up against the pack. Yet not fitting in, not going through the social motions seems to be considered as nothing less than brazen defiance.
Every socially oriented group I’ve encountered has made it abundantly clear: There is no middle ground, you can’t get by with a bare minimum, you have to completely devote yourself or be expelled. It’s so discouraging that I have trouble even bothering any more.
I often wonder if these people have hobbies, non-work friends, private time, or if they ever stop to enjoy a book. Obviously not since it does not occur to them in the slightest that I have things I’d rather be doing than company socialization.
I notice that a lot of us want to go off and live as hermits after a lifetime of frustration with the Loud majority of humanity. Thus, I’ve wondered if there were a solution, whether it might be to have an organization of Subtle people who support each other in hermitude and/or provide social support. One way or another, we obviously need defenses against the hostile mass society.
Tell me about it! As far back as I could remember, I was always the one to stand up for myself. I never wanted to be controlled or bossed around. What is the purpose of having your own mind and free will if you were never going to use it? Unbeknownst to me, this was social treason and suicide! I began to believe their was something wrong with me when problems would seem to just follow me everywhere. Then I realized that, I was simply different and I would say, more sophisticated when it came to how I socialized and what I accepted from others.
I developed a love for the arts quickly on in life. It was my outlet. I did music, visual arts and dance. I developed a non-superifical love for fashion and while I freelance in the industry, I despise it! The people are shallow and superficial. There is an appointed “in person” that everyone must fall in line with. You must suck up to get ahead. It had less to do with what you knew than who you knew. I’m barely hanging on at this point.
I have since cultivated my writing skills. I may become a journalist after all.
Introverts from what I have read have a terrible time in the workplace if they are in the wrong enviornment. I have had nightmares especially while in undergrad working in high end retail. I was accused of either being “boring”, “standoffish” or “snobby”. One person even accused me of being a “Loner” for refusing to attend happy hours. I had nothing in common with these people and had to endure them all day. I had a good circle of friends and was not desperate for social acceptance. I had bosses act strange with me as well because of this and gossip with other workers. I am surprised daily that this occurs in a variety of workplaces.
Once again, thank God for modern technology and freelancing.
Mutinies also happen in the female society. It is much like with the males; we just find a equally strong minded and domineering female to follow in our mutiny of the first “head” female.
I would like to be able to say that women follow the dominant female because we have been socialized to respect and obey authority. But I can’t. That might have been truth in before the 60′s and 70′s but women have left that behind for the most part. No, I believe it’s all about being loved, and society tells us that to be loved by most we must be one of the beautiful people, which means being “in with the in crowd.” To stay in you must obey the top dog. Even extrovert women who consider themselves not part of the in crowd will find a group they want to belong to and they will obey their rules in order to be a member in good standing.
Most of the actions women take are to make them liked by other women. Think of it this way, often chicks ask guys if they look good in an outfit. The guys don’t give a flip about the color of the outfit or if it is this years latest thing. Women dress, style their hair, drive the right car,sign their kids up for the right activity, and even name their children in accordance to what other women like. I don’t know many women who lost sleep that their father in law did not complement them on how clean their kitchen looked, but if a mother in law runs her finger across your kitchen counters it will freak a woman out. It’s all in appearances.
Most women will pass over marrying a wonderful man because he does not make a lot of money or have the looks of Brad Pit. Why? Because of other women’s opinions. What will their girlfriends say if she marries the guy who is bald, works a regular nine to five job and dresses up for star trek conventions? A women will drop a guy based on a friend’s opinion even if that same guy is perfect for her. Some of us grow out of it with age, but most women don’t. It’s a sad fact of life.
I couldn’t agree more. I would also like to offer up the fact that some men particularly younger men are the same way. I will tell you one story:
While in college, there was this guy who obviously liked me. As a women who neither throws herself onto men nor exudes stereotypical female behavior, I simply waited around for him to approach or give a heads up. I am not intimidating or have high standards. Months later he approaches me in the middle of a crowded cafe and made it obvious so I was not as open or willing as I would have been or planned to be. He did it in front of his friends who sat their glaring at me. We went out once and had what I considered a good time then he began to drift and act funny. I was able to find out through the grapevine that his friends did not like me. It was part of the reason why he took so long to approach.They had the usual small-minded perception of me that many have of introverted women. They saw me as some bitchy boring loner (the complete opposite of my personality). Of course, he listened to them. If they were around, he would not even have the decency to acknowledge my presence. So I left him alone. It was soon there after when he began dating a girl who I realized was in the “in crowd”. He got the go ahead from friends who saw her as social, outgoing and fun. I knew her and realized she was the exact opposite. She was needy, shallow, superficial, untrustworthy and gossipy. Everything from his “cheap gifts” (as she put it) to his sexual performance became public knowledge. I’m an empathetic person so in the midst of enjoying my internalized (yay introverts!) laugh, I did feel slightly sorry for him.
Frankly,masturbation’s enough for me.
It gets too complicated when you involve another person to satisfy a simple
empty sexual desire.
It’s good that you’re pretty much satisfied with masturbation. That eliminates the whole problem right there. And it is, of course, perfectly ethical.
I have introvert friends who are the same way, but sooner or later, I think, a man needs a deeper satisfaction. Otherwise, sex workers wouldn’t have that much business.
apologies for posting this on the wrong page.
Good point, I’m assuming most of those
guys are extremely lonely or lack control of their sex drives(or both). Two problems I don’t have.
Thanks for your blog. Speaking as a fellow introvert, I think there are plenty of us, but because we have learned to “CYA” as female introverts, we aren’t as noticeable, perhaps. Many of us have high IQs, too, and I can tell you, having come of age in the mid 1970s, many was the time I was instructed to “tone down” my vocabulary, not “show off” my intelligence,” etc., because “people don’t feel comfortable around “smart” females,” and all that other nonsense. Guys, if you want to understand what we as women have to put up with in female-dom, I recommend the book “In the Company of Women” which not only describes working with women (and written by women for other women) but accurately describes the whole socialization process and unspoken “rules” that govern female social life. “Our” rules are very different from “guy’s rules.”
I looked up the book on amazon and it looks intriguing. Thank you for the recommendation.
There’s lots of books that analyze the behavior of women in the isolated context of 20 something women in bars and nightclubs. There’s not that much out there for guys on understanding women as a whole based on their overall socialization process and social experience.
Is the whole stigma on smart women just a female competition thing? My friends and I all adore smart girls. I’m in a relationship with one, actually. Or are ‘Correctly’ socialized men really like that?
Hi,
This can be taken to extremes. I am introverted and less energetic then my extrovert friend. Yet, introverts do have blind spots just like the extroverts…I guess…One danger is to think we are geniuses
Many of my articles address the weak points and blind spots of introverts. For instance: anything regarding conventional social interactions.
People functioning at the genius level tend to be introverts, even though introverts are a minority of the overall population. Why is this dangerous?
Yet geniuses are notorious for having significant weaknesses when it comes to getting through every day life. One can overthink things.
Why do you imply that geniuses and blind spots are mutually exclusive?
Supposing that we were aware that we might have blind spots, what should we do? Stop saying anything because of a chance it might be flawed? This possibility never stopped an extrovert. At some point one must acknowledge that some kind of personal bias is inescapable.
I would assume that the reason for an introvert’s aversion to social interaction is the fact that past experience has made us quite aware that the majority of the participants are unable to relate to the content of our conversation. Small talk is an art not easily mastered by someone who thinks that mundane thoughts should not be voiced. Why should I state that it looks like it may rain in the interest of creating conversation? I am more than happy to let an extrovert take the lead on things of this nature and I do admire their skill to do so. I would rather speak to someone who can provide a beneficial conversation where I walk away with something to ponder. Since I find that individuals of this caliber are few and far between, I am not willing to waste my time involving myself in social interactions. The time expended versus the benefit received is not logical. Introversion is not only my nature, it’s the reasonable conclusion based on experience. However, this forum does seem to have the potential to provide intellectual stimulation so I am willing to make the effort because the outcome may be beneficial.
That’s just the trick isn’t it? How does one master something one sees as a waste of time? We tend to do as little rote socializing as we can while still getting by. Getting by just is not good enough to make it for very long. Unwilling and unable to relinquish everything that is meaningful to us, we end up on the margins every time.
I imagine that as social creatures we all talk our heads off in the right company. Hard to do when someone is boring me with talk about ‘last night’s game.’ As difficult as the art of small talk is to master, its focus is narrow and predictable. I sometimes wonder if the person who’s talking at me could pass the Turing test.
Sidenote: The point of my previous post is that introversion does not have to be synonymous with depression or the stigma of seriousness. There are advantages to being introverted. Society has beaten us into submission and made us embarrassed of our nature. We concede and hide in the shadows because we bought into the idea that WE are the outcasts. Semantics are the only thing perpetuating this line of thought. Extroverts don’t make concessions and apologize for their nature but because they are the majority, they are accepted as the social standard. Since introversion is my nature, the best thing I can do is accept it with grace.
Regrettably, even those introverts who have fully come to terms with themselves find that the majority does not agree with their assessment. Is it concession that causes us to hide in the shadows or compulsion? My experience strongly suggests the latter.
You won’t see any apologies for introversion here. I started this blog precisely because most of the few introvert sites I could find were of the “It’s OK to be an introvert” school. I believe that the rule of extroverts is an arbitrary tyranny of the majority. There’s nothing special or legitimate about their customs and standards. In fact, I believe we should do what we can to dissolve their power over our lives.
Let’s see…as a kid, my teachers always commented on how quiet I was…or asked me out of the blue if I was okay.
I have a big brother who is an extravert, so when I came around, they regarded some of my behaviors as just totally bizarre. Something interesting happened to me between college and adulthood…I became a newspaper reporter. Pretending to be one of THEM became an artform to me. As long as I could go home after a work day, dim the lights, slip on my robe, and read — or what films on cable, I could keep up the pretense. It was fun, actually. I’m an introvert and proud, but I don’t believe in giving myself away while on the job. You slip on a suit to go to work, right? Well, I also slipped on a functional persona too. This persona is me…just not the me I keep all to myself. I’ve always had both girl and guy pals….I just don’t need too many at any given time. I could always find at least one other chick who is like me or is okay with my sensibilities. One should not stereotype extraverted women however, they don’t all chase perfect alpha males…that’s an unfair assumption. I myself have walked away from relationships when I realized my need for alone would not be respected. I tell men I plan on seeing not to be offended by my need to be alone. Many pretend to understand, until the honeymoon phase is over…then they demand more attention. I don’t feel comfortable playing mother to a boyfriend, so I opt to keep on stepping. Women, often, are expected to put others first….which I find ridiculous. I’m a selfish wench because I need time to read? Please. This is the area in which female introverts are given hell. Alone time is selfish. The very definition of nuture implies that we have to be taking care of someone else all the time. I’m certainly willing to protect and help the ones I love, but I’m not willing to loose all of my privacy and alone time to do it. That is too much to ask. Alpha females? Yeah, I’ve met a few….they don’t scare me in the least because I know how vulnerable they are to criticism. I feel sorry for them, actually, they don’t really have power over an introvert, since their acceptance isn’t important to us. Alpha males don’t know I exist….that’s because I don’t need them as badly as they need to be needed.
I’m a female introvert who married into a family of extroverts, and even after 20 years, they don’t get it. They say they do, and five minutes later ask if I’m okay. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve been stranded on an alien planet. There are so many things the family thinks a “normal” woman does, that I DON’T – including talking for hours on the phone, socializing at church, and hosting large dinners for everyone I ever met. Even my husband, who should know me by now, complains that I “don’t talk”. (Don’t know why it took him so long to notice this…) His family cannot fathom a person having a need to be alone. My husband has also commented on my lack of friends, but I have no interest in sitting around with a bunch of superficial women dressed in the latest fashions (in order to compete with each other) talking about how they are SO TIRED of having a year-old car when they’re entitled to a new one, how badly they need a vacation because all they do is take care of other people (yeah, right), and how fantastic their new hairdresser is. No wonder I feel like an alien – - I AM an alien!
This may be the most accurate description I have read to date of my introversion.
I had a rough time growing up. But mine was not due to my parents’ expectations; it was the interactions at school or any social function outside my safe home.
I am now 53 years old, and I have learned to embrace extroversion to a certain extent (but strictly on my terms), especially after my extremely introverted husband died 10 years ago. That sudden event marked a turning point in my life (death has a habit of doing that).
Before that, I had many male friends, rarely any female. I now have some female friends, but they are not soccer moms, etc. They are usually women that have no other friends – kinda different like me.
Some qualities you mentioned that I learned from my introversion and have retained all my life – thankfully (I like who I am): pragmatic, analytical, value fairness and quality in relationships. I love the outdoors, silence, beauty and I spend every free moment in creativity: brewing beer, making wine, creative cooking, writing, yoga. I am a mathematician by trade, so, of course I love details: in numbers, physics, all of nature. And then I love fitting all the details into patterns.
Thank you for this beautiful post – you do make me feel precious.
debi
I am also a female introvert. Thank you for writing this blog, I feel very at home reading the posts and can relate to a lot of the points raised.
Many of the points raised within the above discussion, about group dynamics within extroverted people, particularly between women, is something I have experienced recently when I was living in halls of residence. I always kept to myself, and stayed in my room unless I had to cook or go out out for shopping, lectures or solitary walks. My flatmates seemed to have a problem with me for doing this, and received some harsh treatment particularly from the other female members of the group (there were 8 people altogether).
One night one particular girl, after a group of of them got back from a club at 3am, decided to scream at me from outside my room door. She shouted all sorts of profanities at me, including the statement that I was a “raving psycho”. At first I thought she was shouting at someone through a phone but realized she was directing her anger at me when she started banging and kicking at my door. I believe she was particularly intoxicated at the time, but I think the underlying reason was that she couldn’t understand the fact that I didn’t want to talk to her and give her the attention she wanted. This person was a particularly obnoxious loud person and would sing and scream even when not intoxicated.
Living in that place was not healthy for me, because it forced me to confront social situations at times where I just wanted to be alone, and having to endure others drunken social antics on a frequent basis I found offensive and disgusting.
Thank you again for writing this blog, and to all the people above who have shared their experiences.
I’m superficially social. I can pass as ‘normal’ for anywhere between 15 minutes and half an hour, before I start to crack under the strain of the pretense. People seem to regard me as quite perceptive and I *believe* I read people relatively accurately, but I don’t understand why people *are* the way they are, even though I feel I can see them for *how* they are. I’m abrasive, and intolerant, of small-p-politics and primate dominance games.
I don’t know whether I’m generally disliked, but I do have at least a little charisma. I’m conscious of when I use it, and when I do, I frequently feel guilty about doing so – it’s manipulation in the raw; ugly, basic, and disturbingly effective.
I think I’m an introvert with at least basic social skills but not much desire to use them. The desire varies. I have a couple of very close friends and I’m very happy around them. I’m usually much less happy around the majority of the rest of the human race.
If we’re willing to think of ‘social’ as s simple 2 dimensional continuum, then I’m probably somewhere between your definition of ‘mainstream female introvert’ and some of the more acutely introvert women who have spoken thus far.
I am a female introvert. I agree with a lot of your points about female introverts. This is a very good article that you made. Please keep up the good work.
Are introverts prone to sulking?
Ha ha.
I’d think extroverts would be more prone to complaining and arguing in face to face interactions.
Introverts are going to be more likely to bottle it up and hold a grudge.
If you wanted to use a loaded term, I suppose you could use the word, ‘sulk.’ Except sulking is a more conspicuous public pouting behavior I’d associate with an extrovert trying to get their way. Sitting in the corner looking gloomy/scowling is a means of fishing for sympathy and getting attention.
Most introverts will try to hide feelings of irritation and anger. The closest thing you’re going to find to a quality introvert sulk is a few blogs and discussion boards.
Except, most of these sites are aimed at a primarily introvert audience. Most introverts aren’t going to lobby for the attention of the larger population. We’re not going to go on talk shows and shout to the world how ‘oppressed’ we are. Actually, most of us would dread being in the spotlight.
thank you, your post made me happy.
I completely agree with your post (as with most of the sentiments expressed by fellow introverts).
I’ve always had a hard time in social settings since I was a kid. As in our culture (I am from the Philippines) women/girls are suppossed to be the ‘emotional bedrock’ of the society. We are supposed to be nurturing, kind all that. I am not a bad person, I’m not just as social as most women are expected to be (and I get a lot of undue flak for not being talkative or “accomodating”). I’ve always had this little outraged voice in my head saying, “What, I’ve known you for like five minutes, and I’m supposed to act like we’ve been together for 10 years??”
My parents are both “book” people, my father particularly, the best memories of my childhood mostly concern reading with either my mom or dad. Most people do not understand why I’d rather read than talk about the latest “celebrities” or “gossip” (I’d say I don’t understand why I should have to gossip rather than read?) I’m in no way a snob, if a conversation isn’t in the realm of small talk then I can be quite lively and excited.
Anyway, most my school years werethe very definition of “hell”. I got bullied around a lot particularly when I was in High School (but it’s either I ignore the lot of them, which usually works or I spend most of my break times in the library – an immense comfort).
As I entered into the work environment, just after finishing college (where I became semi-popular for my “brains” – something which perplexes me to this day) I continued to encounter the same problems. Co-workers telling me I’m a snobbish, taciturn, cold person (shy was the most positive among the slew of adjectives) just because I do not join them in the lunch time gossip-galore. Or because I absolutely refuse to wear makeup at all (that was from 2003 the year I started working until the end of 2009). I am not friendless however, I found that I have the capability to form lasting friendships with the few people who actually saw me as an interesting individual (they’re mostly artists – one’s a portrait painter like myself and the other an aspiring writer).
My life has had a few ups and downs but I’ve always thought that my being an introvert has had a huge impact in my being able to bounce back from my problems. I’ve worked as a Technical Support Rep (albeit with a slightly different work description) for quite sometime now (as being a freelance artist in my country would eventually lead to sleeping underneath bridges ;p), and I find that I relish the lack of small talk. Another thing is I enjoy the company of guys more than women. With guys I can can talk about comic books, video games and all that geek stuff without having them look at me like I’ve lost my mind. And when I ask them the question, “do I look ok?” they answer in a very straightforward manner rather than the annoying roundabout answer most women give.
My not wearing make-up cost me a bit though. As I found that most guys usually look at me as one of the boys (as I am really quite tomboyish) and not really a woman-woman and that I get a lot of look-down from women co-workers (including a friend) who would automatically label me a lesbian. So this year I started wearing makeup (a bit on the goth style as I’ve found it suits my personality). It had a bit of effect but I really couldn’t care less, I just do it to minimize the flak and so they’d leave me alone. It’s like me saying, “Ok so there, I’m a girl, now leave me alone.” I just had my first ever boyfriend this year (at the age of 28) and I found him to be a blessing (we are both geeks and are quite happy).
Finally someone I could take to Star Wars and Comic Conventions with no trouble.
I feel so behind the curve, having just read this, but nevertheless I found it of my best interest for my own personal satisfaction to tell the author of this piece how very appreciative I am. Your words really spoke to me, almost in a creepy stalker sort of way since after every point you made I had to remind myself you were speaking of the general female-introvert population.(It felt like you were talking about me >.<)
Erm. Yes. Well, thank you.
It was tough for me, especially since I’m the eldest of three, with parents who hardly know English, coupled with bad experiences in high school. I did well, school-wise, but when it came to social relationships, few and far were made. I acted like the local anthropologist, observing how the girls sat together and listened into their chatter, which to be frank wasn’t interesting to me. I was the archetypical outsider. I felt most comfortable talking to my school counsellor, though
Thank you very much for this. It was a fantastic post.
haha… i loved this post. like some of the other people who commented, i thought you were talking about me.
i always thought i was some kind of freak, and my mother always taught me to be ok with being ‘weird’ and that ‘weird’ was a good thing, which i should embrace, so i always did and still do.
i’m also used to thinking of myself as a woman encased in a male body, since i don’t like makeup (except to play with it once in a while in a painterly sort of way) or fashion (except to once in a while use it to create certain expressions in a sculpting sort of way), and am perfectly happy being alone, since i’ve always encountered more grief being with people than being without them.
i would say, i think sometimes female introverts are hidden because they can observe and analyse the female social dynamics with a sort of cool-headed and uninvolved way, to the point of being able to act in the appropriate ways when necessary or even as a sort of social experimentation. i speak for myself when i say this, though i believe i may not be the only one who treats the female social world in the same way.
also, for me, in spite of being bullied in school and in spite of deciding that people were more trouble than they were worth, i also realise that somehow, i’ve been told that i’m being admired for the very traits that got me bullied in the first place because this ability to disregard female social dynamics and unemotionally analyse things and deal with situations in life that are deemed stressful by most woman, is a very cool thing indeed. Go figure.
this describes me to a T. My mother always was mad me for being quiet and i loved staying indoors writing with my head in books or dreaming. this was not because i was the only girl with 4 extroverted brothers. abused alot as a kid too.
I’m also a very introverted female (from Belgium), currently 19 and almost turning 20. I remember the first time I heard about the concept of “introverts” and “extroverts”, it was extremely liberating to know I wasn’t some kind of “nature’s accident”.
Up until I was 18 and had the joy of participating in an 8-day school trip to Italy, I had had exactly 0 real friends, only a few superficial ones, and my life had been pretty much entirely miserable (at least, as far as my memories go back). I spent most of my childhood playing video games (gotta catch em all!) alone or with my older brother as a result of my introvertedness. It was a habit to drag my gameboy with me to every social event that’d permit me to take it (like watching my brother play soccer), so I wouldn’t need to play with the other kids.
Throughout 9 years of elementary school, I was invited to a classmates birthday party one time and one time only. From then on no one ever invited me. Guess I was too different, not gossipy and talkative enough. I preferred to wear sneakers, loose t-shirts and sporty pants because they were just so much more comfortable than jeans and tight shirts. I didn’t see any fault in doing that, but I suppose it wasn’t socially acceptable, and I guess it made me look like a boy. I didn’t really get bullied, since I had an older brother to run off to if someone tried. I was just a loner that was mostly left alone.
Then came secondary school. Joy.
Not quite.
Again I ended up being expelled from the “popular groups” because I was too shy, silent, “boring” (but of course, they were the boring ones), too focused on actually getting good grades and gaining knowledge. Suppose the latter is a foreign concept for quite a number of Loud ones. During those 6 years I had two “friends” that I never saw outside of school, so I suppose they were just people I happened to hang around with and talk to at school. Both were very Loud and it made me feel even more socially inept, weird and unworthy. This feeling of being socially inept grew stronger and stronger as I had to keep dealing with these social situations I simply couldn’t deal with, so most of the time I failed and pretty much withdrew completely. I turned to MMORPGs as a form of escapism. My life basically consisted of two things: school (the lessons, homework, tests and exams part, which I aced with little effort) and hiding myself in online games. I was even pretty much cut off from my entire family, as my mother had a terrible bond with 90% of them. On top of that the situation inside the house was pretty unhealthy as well, two parents not getting along, growing apart more each day, a mother that constantly shouts and orders you around… It was a very depressing time in my life. I ended up in a state where during the day I would think about going online after school, as if that was where my life was. There I actually conversed with people, I had friends, I had enemies, I felt alive.
True escapism.
Thankfully I’ve managed to break away from that sad state of being. Though I do admit, those online contacts kept me from going insane and perhaps doing something utterly stupid. I still talk to some almost daily now.
In the last three months of my senior year of secondary school, I participated in this 8-day trip to Italy with school, and met a group of absolutely amazing people that allowed me to be myself, people that didn’t make me feel socially inept. That was the best time of my life.
This liberation occurred in April-May 2010. For the first time in my life I had actual friends! People I met up with because we enjoyed being together, not because school forced us to. It felt absolutely wonderful! I felt like I was just awakening, like I was just being born. As a result, I still feel like I’m in the process of waking up, still learning how to operate in this world. I’m becoming more aware and conscious every single day. I have accepted myself as the magnificent being I am, in stead of depressing myself with unhealthy thoughts about how others must be viewing me.
Right now I’m studying ICT at a local university, feeling like a child entering a candy store (granted the child is fond of candy..). So many new and interesting things to learn, it’s lovely! I still have those friends that saved me from my depression last year, and I am not giving them up. Sadly uni life isn’t going as smooth as I’d like it to be (socially), the same patterns that occurred during primary and secondary school seem to be popping up again. Eventhough I’m studying ICT, a stereotypical “nerdy” field, most of the people are still very Loud.
Too bad. I’m not getting depressed over that anymore, I don’t have to care about their Loudness. I’ve grown past that. At least most of the time.
Since I’m still studying, I wonder how I’d fare in a typical work environment. Which of course I don’t ever want to find out. It would mean I’ve failed at refusing to participate in the Loud ones’ retarded system. Getting paid in exchange for your time sucks and only distracts you from life.
Every day I continue my quest to being and staying a non-depressed introvert, and luckily I’m finally getting the hang of it. I seek out knowledge with great enthusiasm, in stead of brooding over how “socially inept” I *am*. I’m certain I will find my balance in life and that I’ll get things straight eventually. Thank you Steve Pavlina. (http://www.stevepavlina.com/ “Personal Development For Smart People)
And thank you for this blog, you’re definitely helping me (and many others!) becoming more aware of my introverted nature. Thank you and keep writing!
As for fellow introverts that find themselves struggling with life, hang in there! Always remember that you’re not at fault, none of us are!
Linsey, so glad to see your comment. You brought up some very good points, and I applaud your honesty. I can relate to many of your points. It took me a very long time to stop worrying or caring about what people thought about me, so you are well on your way to seeing yourself as a valuable, awesome woman. I grew up a child of the 70s and never understood why I was so different from other women. I tried to be like everyone else instead of who I was. That line of thinking made me miserable, and I ended in very disfunctional relationships over the last 30 years. Fortunately, I have discovered that I am different and that is AWESOME. Thanks again.
No problem, Cindi!
I’m still trying hard to stop worrying or caring about what other people think, it’s often not as easy as it sounds..! It must’ve been so much harder dealing with this back then, without the support of the Internet.. I’m very grateful to be growing up in an era where so much information is freely and easily accessible to all.
Yeah, it does feel awesome to know you’re different from the masses! Imagine being totally extroverted..
I just found this site, albeit two years late on the postings. I often wondered why I was so different as a child. My childhood was challenging, but my parents and siblings where and are a joy to me. I love them dearly. What I have been reading on this site, and taking a few personality tests, it all makes sense. I am so introverted, and I am really ok with that. I don’t feel castigated in anyway by your descriptions. In my case, they are right on. I do enjoy social activity, but cannot endure tedious, dull conversation. There is too much talk in our society and not enough listening. I often want to retreat from the world as it seems so claustrophobic at times. Thank you for letting me share my experiences as a grateful and rare introvert. I believe that more women should embrace male personalities more instead of complaining or “changing” them. We are all different, and in the differences, we can learn something from one another.
I am a very introvert woman. My experience wi tell you that men especially despise women like me. I have seen so much selfishness, ignorance, ego and ignorance in the men and people of this world that I came to a life of total seclusion. I tried to bring the personality of Jesus to this materialistic ignorant egoistic world and I have faild to do it. Today I am aware that I would only waste my time if I try it again and I am also aware that seclusion is the best option for me. I am very peaceful finally, I am very contented and I have one friend only. His name is Jesus Christ, the Only one in Heaven and on earth who has the power to take away the sin of the world. I spend my free time writing or in prayer at the beach. I also noticed that I do have a treasure which men of this world despise and thefore they do not have it. I have peace.
Thank you for sharing. Jesus Christ is also very important to me too. He is my Savior, Lord, and best friend. I know that sometimes people of this world are selfish and ignorant, but God has placed me here on this earth to show his love and compassion. It is up to those around us to chose a life of peace or misery.
Have a blessed day…
This post describes myself/situation perfectly…. I am an extremely introverted female, and I also have autism…
I have had to put up like bullshit you wouldn’t believe. I have always been a loner, since I was a child I lived in my own world. I didn’t care for “girly” things, socializing, all that crap. Never been motivated by the material world. My mom hated me for it, she expected me to be a girly girl, a social butterfly, but that is not what I am. She used to physically and verbally abuse me because of this. I had horrible trouble in school and had to drop out. I was constantly harassed for not conforming to their social norms. I never had friends. Those who I thought were my friends used and abused me. I had a couple bad relationships with normal guys and they didn’t go well because they were extroverted and never took the time to think deeply about anything. I still don’t have friends though. I just can’t relate to anyone. Everyone around me has their head filled with mindless garbage. It’s just insanity all around me, everyone is simple-minded, in their own fantasy of what reality is… and they accuse me of being in my own world!
I’ve never been diagnosed with any sort of spectrum disorder myself, but I notice that people on the spectrum tend to empathize with the writings on my site. Consequently this site has developed some connections to the autistic/aspie community over time.
For me also, social interaction must have some substance or purpose to be worthwhile. What other call ‘socializing’ registers on my senses as just a bunch of spamming. Content is king.
Yes, I realized some time ago that reality is no more than a conception of the world that a majority of a group agree upon. Most people are oblivious of the true nature of a socially agreed upon ‘reality’ even as they diligently enforce its taboos.
Most people are incapable of deep critical thinking. It is pretty much how the average person stays sane in a mass agricultural society.
This is partly why their ancestors had many children while ours did not.
Thus, certain types of people with rare psychological profiles find themselves surrounded by aliens in this life. Aliens whose brains function on a totally different wavelength.
I agree with them on one thing. We do not live in the same world with them. Or at least we experience this world so differently it might as well be another.
As a female introvert, I can confirm a lot of your points: I’m reserved and quiet (but by no means contemptuous of others), like to read and write in silence, wear little makeup, am content with the limited wardrobe i have, and have few female friends. I’m very attentive to detail, and in general think more about philosophy, religion, ethics, and the meaning of life than others. I’m also being treated for depression and PMDD, but luckily i’ve found the right dosage of medications, and things are manageable. They’re more than manageable, actually — they’re great. And adding to this greatness was my recent realization that I was an introvert. After reading Jung’s essays, I determined i was an INFJ. I highly recommend reading Jung’s essays on introversion/ extroversion — by designating the objective from the subjective world views, Jung sheds a lot of clarity on the thought processes of extroverts vs introverts’. I do think female introverts are rare. I have another female introverted friend who shares my same frustrations about finding the right friends and men. I don’t mean to brag, but I think both my friend and i are highly intelligent and attractive young women who are misunderstood by a lot of men. I have no resentment towards men, but it is frustrating being an intelligent, introverted, attractive young woman, probably because it is intimidating. I of course don’t intend to intimidate others.
Wow! Your points about introversion is SPOT ON!
I’m also an introverted girl. My situation was, growing up i moved alot with my family and never established any deep relationships with people let alone “friends”. Overtime I think the lack of social life and only a handful of friends molded me into a very quiet reserved girl.
There IS a trade off though i think between extraverts and introverts. I find that introverts excel in ‘non-verbel’ aspect of life (writing, school work, creativity, art) while having lack of social life. We concentrate so much on improving our selves that sometimes intrigues extraverted people (so who’s a weirdo now huh? LOL!)
From my experience I do believe that introverts hold depth in the relationships, work, and thoughts they have in life. Sometimes though, i wish more extraverts (majority in this society) would come to understand us introverts and not judge us so harshly just becuae we are quiet.
Props for the blog entry.
I love your blog, and all the comments it has attracted. What you say is definitely true, at least for me. I love just sitting outside or lying in a field on a quiet day, and have never felt the need to wear makeup. The clothes I wear are relatively plain, but most importantly, comfortable. Most notably, I absolutely love writing. I don’t know whether I am good or not, but it is definitely a hobby of mine.
One thing that I’m very thankful for is that growing up I never felt the way so many others have, I never felt strange, different, or that there was something wrong with me, partly due to my parents being really nice and the fact that I have been home schooled all my life. I have never been in a school environment, though I did have the choice, and I find that I can actually socialize with fellow homeschoolers and enjoy it. I have attended many homeschooling “classes”, mostly creative writing, art, and literature, all subjects that I enjoy.
Reblogged this on Coco-Banana Shake and commented:
This post really touched a sore spot in my heart (In a good way) <3 Hope you enjoy
I’m coming across this post two years late, but I certainly meet your description of an introverted female! One thing that I would note is that we may not actually be rarer, but simply more obliged to participate in the Loud culture.
For instance: My young child is the extreme extrovert – not so much Loud but very needing of constant contact and imput from mom. I’m too busy filling her emotional needs to spend any time doing the sort of solitary things to which I’d like to devote myself. We can’t with good conscience neglect our extroverted kids’ needs, and so the introvert mom spends all available time and energy on the little ones. There’s precious little left over for being available to make friends with other introverts.
Perhaps we emerge after retirement and turn into those batty old ladies that do whatever they please and damn the social consequences? I’m rather looking forward to those days.
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