1)Self-Esteem. -Work at it from every possible angle & fix it until it is high, without becoming a sociopath or someone who can’t hear feedback.

2)Find, Articulate & Fix False Paradigms and Limiting Beliefs

3)Conversation Skills. -Learn them & practice

3)PUA stuff Like Mystery Method, Pickup101, Neil Strauss, David D. Learn this while still being congruent to yourself & don’t peacock to the extent Mystery does; -BUT use it for the self-improvement angle, girls & dates are actually a BY-PRODUCT of a successful process.

I also felt this post was cast in a very black/white conspiracy-theory, “Let’s look for reasons things can never work”-way.

I am an introvert guy, also.

No idea what MRA stuff is, but if it involves treating women like Normal people, not attributing them any values they haven’t actually demonstrated, just because they’re cute; -then, good! Ultimately, looks mean nothing (other than her parents have good genetics and she does the other 10% by sccrubbing-up and not weighing 400lbs. -yet)

If one doesn’t learn courtship skills back in middle and high school with everyone else, catching up as an adult feels like an exercise in masochism. Both men and women assume someone who doesn’t even have the basics down already is just a complete idiot. Just like in an MMORPG a noob is going to get treated with disdain and kicked viciously while they’re down.

It’s an exceedingly painful process with seemingly little reward.

Personally, the few times I’ve been to night clubs/bars in my life were somewhat helpful. Though loud and unpleasant, they’re an environment where one is surrounded by strangers and can thus systematically experiment without adverse consequences.

Actually, I must admit that just getting used to going out on the dance floor and trying not to feel like a complete idiot is a useful exercise.
Ironically, all that loud noise tends to drastically reduce the necessary(and possible) amount of chit chat.

You’ve got the right mentality. Keep going, come to terms with your disadvantages, and most importantly, acknowledge and make use of your natural introvert strengths to the utmost.

Furthermore, I’ve never argued or suggested that women aren’t varied or complex. Rather, women are on average more socially oriented than men. Thus the least social men reside on an opposite pole from the most social of women. They are still less socially oriented than the least social of women. There’s no portion of the female population they line up with and it proves to be an obstacle.
I will make some changes to the original post to make my point more clear.

I definitely agree with your assessment of low perceptions of social worth. Someone who bleeds in the social pool has a way of attracting sharks. It’s an experience that at one time was very familiar.

The toughest part about it has been me learning that you will inevitably fail miserably as a beginner, and fail a lot. Part of my personality does not like to do things that are bound to fail but I learned that in this part of life, I don’t get a choice. I also learned to laugh at things in life a lot more to not stay in low spirits, and laughing at myself is a great source of joy. Life isn’t fair and as an introverted male, relations with the opposite sex is one of the worst offenders. I chose to suck it up and adapt rather than give up completely.

My issue with the initial female introvert who responded is her seeming content with blaming victims for societal wrongdoing. Someone is not born with “low self-esteem” it is developed and the result of life experiences. When you are misunderstood and treated poorly, you not only develop a distrust for the outer world, you also begin to doubt your own self-worth. For others to take advantage of this is disgusting and a reason why we have so many issues in this world. I have never felt the need to treat anyone badly. Arrogance and self-centeredness and a need to somehow feel above someone else is why it is done.

And when it is done, the person who is the victim can never pull themselves out of these emotions (a result of their treatment) because they have never dealt with anyone who found them valuable! It shocks me how people in our society do not get this. It is at the root of almost all of our problems. It is why I feel so little remorse when victims strike back!

As for the writer of the post, if I hadn’t gotten to your other posts after this one, I would have assumed you were sexist. Your inclusion of the term “feminist establishment” is inaccurate. I feel that in this point, you painted all women with a broad brush based on stereotypes and popular belief. Women are far more complex. I am happy you decided to speak about introverted women in a later post.

I don’t understand where I’ve painted things in black and white. I understand that any group can be represented by a spectrum.
If women are the social spectrum in the visible range, a Subtle person is usually going to be in the infrared or ultra-violet range:
While women have a wide range of temperaments and personalities, there’s a certain segment of the male population who are going to match up with very few women.

I described the bubbliest most sociable women (‘girly girls’) as being examples of fleeting passions of flightiness. I nowhere say that all women are like this. In fact, I’ve even made a post concerning introvert women.

You readily admit that if the past has not been kind, others often sense weakness and close in for the kill.
If we feel we are low status, others pick up on all kinds of subtle signals that we are vulnerable and then attack.

I agree with you on this.

Overall, you seem to have deeply misunderstood my post.

By the way, if you are the only person who empathizes with and helps your low self esteem friend, what does this say about the nature of the larger society? Could one be blamed for harboring a certain measure of anger in response to this kind of barbarism?

It might be true that women are more socially oriented than men, but as an introvert woman that is not me at all.

It seems as though you’ve put all women into the same box, fleeting passions and flightiness, I’m not sure who you are mixing it with, but that doesn’t describe me or other women I know.

What really stands out in your posting though is your anger and self loathing towards yourself and projected onto women.

You describe yourself as a low ranking introvert and that women treat someone like that badly. I think it’s true at times, but the reason for that is you are radiating your own self loathing and not only is it not attractive to someone, it will trigger some nasty behaviour in them as well.

I had a good friend (woman) who had appalling self esteem and lack of self acceptance. Men and women used to treat her appallingly (apart from me), but as time went on I had to stop myself from treating her badly, it was almost as if she was unconsciously asking to be treated badly.

I’m a very self aware person and held back and that was with a good friend of mine. So I can only imagine what it must be like with a member of the opposite and with less self awareness.

People treat you the way you treat and think of yourself. What you consciously and more often unconsciously radiate is reflected in how other people treat you.

I’ve been a real people pleaser in the past and every time I’ve been like this have been treated like shit by both men and women. The more I accept myself and look after myself and value my skills and temperament and live according to my values, the better others treat me.

Nothing is as black or white as you paint it. Women are every bit as complex and introverted and extroverted and everything in between. But as long as you lack confidence and radiate anger and hostility, don’t expect the kind of woman or relationship you want to find you.