Leads To: Finding Allies In An Extroverted Society
Extreme introverts are able to go through life believing they are the only one because all others, like them, are driven underground.
However one can find members of a tiny minority by going to places where the like-minded naturally gather.
While there are no introvert bars, there are hobbies that select predominantly for introvert traits. By taking up or seeking out practitioners, one might drastically increase their otherwise small probability of finding a fellow Subtle person.
-It occurs to me that most types of collecting, especially in areas that demand a large amount of specific knowledge, attention to minute detail, and patience, are good candidates:
-Pipe smoking:
One must be gentle and careful with pipes. They are expensive and one can easily ruin them through reckless behavior. There is a fairly elaborate process just to prepare a new pipe to be smoked. Quality is favored over quantity. If one’s first priority was to keep a nicotine habit going or being socially acceptable, they would smoke cigarettes instead. This is also a collector’s hobby that requires a lot of specialized knowledge.
-Anything that involves computers:
Indoors and away from people.
-Coin Collecting
One can often pass up a coin shop without even noticing it. They often don’t have conspicuous signs. People who go there actively look for the place. It is not about fast paced impulse marketing. From outside the interior seems almost like a dark empty cave filled with safes and glass cases. This sort of setting is naturally intimidating to extroverts who prefer bright light and crowds.
One must be familiar with a large body of knowledge to be at home in this environment. Those who come are those who have the patience to sit down with books about coins. Party people eliminated.
-Used rare/book stores
Books and collecting in one. Dimly lit and quiet inside. Just the musty secluded smell says it all. The musty scent of aging pages is a tried and true extrovert repellent but a delight to one who lives in seclusion.
-Hunting
Requires patience and remaining silent for long periods of time. One must be able to stay focused and absorbed even in the absence of a party or concert. Able to take pleasure in the natural world all around, shooting things but one facet of the experience.
-Knitting
Most people today must have the patience to sit down and learn it as adults.
Once very much a social activity i.e. ‘knitting circle,’ it is now a ‘traditional craft.’ ‘Traditional’ meaning most people below 60 don’t do it. Because of scarcity of practitioners, this is now by necessity a hobby one patiently pursues alone.
-Distance endurance sports esp. running/cycling
Selects for those who are self-contained and contemplative. For such people, covering miles is trance-like bliss, not torture as it is for the more social.
Furthermore it is a means of spending large amounts of time alone in the outdoors.
-Chess
A haven for nerds in high school, anyone who pursues it seriously as an adult must be comfortable living within their mind and using it as a tool for complex tasks. One who requires outside stimulation clearly could not concentrate long enough or intensely enough.
These are some possibilities that immediately come to mind…
By extending such criteria, a Subtle person could find other communities with high potential.
I would welcome visitors here to add their own insight concerning where and how to find communities that select for introversion.
Working in a university is quite good – especially researchers.
Also birdwatching is the perfect occupation for introverts because it gets you outdoors and you can actually mix with people without having to have anything but the smallest most focused conversations: I heard there was a smee hereabouts? Yes by that reedbed. Thanks
These are good suggestions:
Poring through volumes for a professor in a musty library basement is highly appealing, I have to admit…
I think most socialites would scoff at the notion of spending extended periods of time looking for and listening to birds:
They would likely be preoccupied with sporting their own bright plumage.
They are already busy chirping out their own respective song in the public domain.
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Scuba diving is also a good one. The whole point of the activity puts you alone in nature. You are dependent upon yourself for your own enjoyment and survival. You must remain focused on both yourself and your environment
Model planes, cars
Rocketry
Woodwork
Oddly enough, contra dancing. Maybe not for the extreme introvert who is incredibly shy, but certainly it attracts those who are not mainstream socializers. You have to be willing to ask a partner to dance, but since there is no meaning attached to selecting a particular person (other than they are also simply looking for a partner), it becomes quite easy to do. It’s almost completely systemized, because you’re told which dance moves to do in which order, and the moves themselves are easy to learn. The moves are extremely logical and the patterns are quite mathematical. For every dance, you select a different partner. Outside of the dance, many contra dancers are counterculturalists and minimalists, seeming to be living in a different place and time.
when I discovered contra dancing, I realized that I had, at long last, found my people.
Oh wow, I could not do contra dancing. I cannot handle strangers touching me for any reason other than a medical emergency.
Knitting, crocheting, needlework and quilting are all good, but for females especially, there’s a huge lack of “acceptable” solitary hobbies. When I mention knitting or gardening to acquaintances, I always get pushed to show them how to knit or plant so that we can do it together. It would thrill them, but take every ounce of joy out of it for me.
I get the sense that these people would not have shown any interest in these activities if they weren’t solitary. I don’t think they are as interested in the activity itself as they are interested in saving me from the awfulness of hobbies that I do alone. It usually ends when I tell them that I would be happy to help plant, but first they need to dig up the heavy clay dirt to a depth of a foot and then work in several bags of cow manure. Well rotted excrement plus solitary hard work equals disinterested extroverts…. which also equals a happy me.
I just noticed that almost every introvert hobby is considered to be old-fashioned. Knitting and pipe collecting seem very outdated compared to more acceptable hobbies of today. Thoughts?
An extremely astute observation! I think you’re on to something.
I’ve wondered if greater tolerance for introverts in the past was just wishful nostalgia…
Maybe it’s because introverts prefer the internet nowadays.
Another introvert hobby: astronomy
Alone in the woods at night, stargazing through a telescope.
Perfect.
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Maybe these hobbies listed above just mirror the expression of ‘old souls’, which I have been told quite often.
) , just the sound of the water…. VERY relaxing.
I love books and reading, my grandfather tought me to play chess when I was 7 and I got interested in knitting lateron as well. But I do also love some ‘modern’ hobbies. (Modern meaning, kids are not ashamed of telling they practice it) eg. dancing, standard as well as ballet and lyrical. I love ballet for the precision and concentration, but I always prefer to practice alone in my room instead of going to my class. The music is beautiful in all three styles. Another of my hobbies is swimming. Not bathing or playing in the water, but actual lane swimming. I love the feeling of not seeing anything except the bluish tiles and concentrating on the movement. Especially, when you swim on your back, your ears covered with water, so you don’t hear any drowning 5-year-olds (
One more thing I love, which you might have already guessed from this text, is writing. I am not ashamed of who I am, just because I prefer to be at home and read a good novel instead of going to a club. GO, INTROVERTS!
Julianne,
Maybe there’s something to the ‘old soul’ hypothesis.
Because of my overall writing style, I get the impression that some readers assume I’m an older male.
As a teenager, I liked classical and symphonic music.
People I actually admitted this to would give me this quizzical look and ask as per the social script “Do you play an instrument? Are you in the orchestra?”
When I said “No, not really?” I would get looks of confusion, as if to say “You have no business with that music if you aren’t one of the pros who play it for social functions.”
Now in my twenties, I like pipe smoking, and single malt scotch whiskey.
You rarely see people younger than age 40 into this kind of stuff.
Isn’t it great how everything we do, like, wear, eat, or drink, is supposed to fit in with a socially pre-approved archetype?
I too pursue physical exercise for almost a spiritual, meditative sort of experience. In fact, I think this is just a trait of Subtlety..
Twenties? TWENTIES!?
Yeah, I know my name had the word ‘uncle’ in it. That’s because my avatar was named after a character from an American science fiction TV show, not because I’m anyone’s uncle.
I changed that in part because all these girls were coming on here and assuming I was a lecherous old man.
Suppose I’m likely to be around to write stuff like this quite awhile longer.
I’ve also gotten the impression that people suppose I must be some kind of wheel chair bound mouth breather with braces and a gigantic cowlick in real life.
If you met me on the streets randomly, you probably wouldn’t suspect me of prowling the internet under an alias inspired by the Star Trek universe.
In truth I like to separate my ideas from my person. Because we make all sorts of judgments if we know too much about someone’s circumstances.
Observe how even knowledge of my gender and a rough idea of my age brings a whole lot of baggage with it!
I’m sorry if I hurt you. My remark was meant as a compliment.
I have not felt the need to imagine your physical appearance. It is just that your writings seem extremely mature for a person in the twenties. I doubt even a fifty year old could write with such insight. Imagining a twenty year old is impossible.
In your own words : “Because of my overall writing style, I get the impression that some readers assume I’m an older male.” It is not just about style, it is about the content. You don’t see the same maturity in other blogs by people of your age, nor the single-minded focus and clarity of mind that I get to see both from you and many of the commenters. This is sometimes found in articles written by older people, hence the assumption.
Don’t worry. You haven’t offended. I think it’s a good sign if I come across as a more stable older personality rather than a radical young firebrand.
I’m closer to 30 than 20, actually.
It’s not been that long chronologically since I was 20, but most of my life has happened since then.
It’s been nearly a full decade since I was in high school.
I’m moving out of the range where people expect me to be a ‘bro’ or a frat boy and that’s been pleasant.
It also makes one feel old to try to explain to present day young people what it was like to grow up in a pre-internet age of cassette tapes, floppy drives, and the original nintendo entertainment system. More still, it’s hard to explain that I grew up in an age of general optimism and consensus. I’m sort of an outlier of the most ideologically and socially conservative American generation in decades. Can’t get along with lots of my contemporaries here in the US. They’re still blindly trying to please the authority figures even as the whole system crumbles.
They always tell me that in a few years everything will be back to the way it was when we were kids in the 80s and 90s.
In response, I point out that a whole generation of children just old enough to remember 9/11 are going to be hitting high school right about now.
Recession, corruption, disaster, pointless military aggression, worldwide crises, incompetence at the highest levels of power is all they’ve ever known.
Suddenly they seem a little less confident.
As to whether I’m mature, that might be up for debate amongst people who know me in real life. I haven’t exactly lead the ideal middle class life or secured a steady career. Having felt an outsider all through my childhood, I’ve tended to live on the fringes as an adult.
Yet at the same time: when I meet people headed down the prescribed paths in life, too many seem limited and stunted. They’ve never once done anything of their own volition.
This is especially true when I meet those who spent their whole childhood getting passively ferried to after school games and lessons with little opportunity for spontaneous play or the development of a strong identity.
They may have learned to play the piano, but never learned to think for themselves.
I think motorcycling is a good hobby for introverts. I often ride solo on a small motorcycle and really enjoy the scenery–especially when I visit national parks. Sometimes I ride across the country, other times just around my central-Indiana county. My wife is an introvert also and loves taking trips with me on our larger motorcycle–she can load a book onto her iPod and be perfectly happy cruising for thousands of miles to and from destinations we’ve always wanted to visit.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about why I ride. It comes down to freedom, wanderlust, my visual orientation to the world and the anonymity I enjoy as I pass through interesting places. Stopping to enjoy good food and take in the atmosphere of a new place wearing my motorcycling gear makes me feel accepted–even valued–anywhere I go, too, because the gear gets me noticed. (I’m one of those people who disappear in plain sight, so it’s nice to be recognized. In my everyday street clothing, I could be staring a fast-food cashier eye-to-eye and s/he’d still ask, “Who’e next in line?”) People typically understand what’s up with motorcyclists, so they treat us with understanding. Plus, everyone gets why the lone motorcyclist dude at the table over there is just watching people go by–he’s an explorer taking in the sites, of course!
One other great thing about motorcycling is that there are a lot of facets to it, and it keeps me as busy as I want to be–even in the off-season. From trip planning to riding skills improvement to choosing new gear or upgrades for my bikes, I can be occupied for days, yet never feel my time is being spent frivolously.
Hope this gets some gears turning out there. It’s been a great thing for me to ride motorcycles–maybe someone else will find they like it, too.