From ‘The Albatross’ January 18, 2009
The introvert friendship is seldom, but it is based on a deep loyalties that are not so tied to place and circumstance as a bond quickly and adeptly acquired. More specifically, the introvert friendship exists underneath the tumultuous surface of the mass society. Companionship, fellowship, and maintenance are all one and the same. There are no chores to perform in the introvert friendship. It is self-sustaining and a source of renewal for those involved. It lasts a lifetime, outside of the larger society, outside of time.
Extroverts typically attempt to keep surrounded by people most of the time. The bonds they form in the competitive social group require constant reinforcement to stay alive. The typical extrovert friendship is a fire lit only with kindling. It must constantly, emphatically be renewed or else fade away. Its maintenance is a constant task, a drain of the self for all involved for the sake of the social artifact they wish to create. Even the greatest of ‘pals’ are quickly reduced to sending each other cards at Christmas without regular face to face interaction.
From ‘The Blank Exterior’ January 2, 2009
Uninhibited friendliness is sacred to an introvert and is for those who whom they hold closest. Like trust, and respect, it is earned. All others are approached with caution and respectful reserve.
The unconditional exuberance of extroverts seems superficially sunny by comparison, endearing perhaps like a dog wagging its tail, but not indicative of any deeper feeling than that which moves them at the moment. Since it’s how they act around everyone one must wonder: are they being sincere underneath that happy veneer.
From ‘The Myth of Extrovert Empathy’ December 30, 2008
An introvert measures their social life by the quality of the people they have chosen to count as friends and of those whom they have had the opportunity to know.
An extrovert measures their social life and that of others by how many friends, social contacts, how many social events they are invited to.
(Someone came to my site searching for introverts+friendship, so I have consolidated pre-existing segments on the subject into one post)
3 Comments
Hey! I’ve been an introvert all my life and I really agree with this article. Sometimes,I wonder to myself why extroverts measure how valuable they are based on the amount of friendships they have. I, on the other hand, just like any other introvert, measures my social life based on the quality of friendships I make.
Having lived in a society that emphasizes the quality of being extroverted, I used to think that our value as individuals is measured based on the amount of friends I make (this was especially evident in junior high and my first 2 years of high school). However, after encountering wonderful individuals, I realized that the quality of my friendships was more important.. I think you can identity with me on that.
However, I am particularly talkative with people I am close with, and can therefore be ‘loud’. Would this be a version of an introvert quality or an extrovert quality? I also particularly enjoy make-up and fashion when I am not burdened with duties in school and a lack of money (which has been particularly bad lately).
Friends of quality are there when things get bad.
They are there for a lifetime.
However, an ability to make more casual connections has a high payoff in a society of strangers. Unfortunately, such a person might well end up with an army of helpful acquaintances and not a single true friend among them. True friends require true devotion. It’s much more difficult to maintain the trust needed for this kind of relationship when one is handing themselves out like a business card to everyone who seems useful. The habit and attitude of disposable acquaintance inevitably influences one’s entire social life.
Did I mention that I love this blog? I completely identity with every post; having been a complete introvert in my childhood-pre-teen years (and sometimes, even now).