Kingdom of Introversion

In my last post about Survival in the Void, one of my pieces of advice was to work out regularly and learn to listen to one’s body, to become familiar with its intricacies.

Touch sickness, the yearning sensation one gets after months of tactile neglect can be lessened and even eliminated by knowing one’s body on an intimate level.
On some level, such a practice is more than just physical. It is a life-affirming ritual much like sitting down to have a meal. It is a self-recognition of one’s own humanity and human needs.

One of the hallmarks of low self-esteem and a negative self-concept is a divorce of mind from the body. When one does not like oneself, the mind shies away from one’s body and its needs. There is an inherent separation that allows unmet requirements to fester until they can no longer be ignored.

Regularly using and stimulating the body is essential to breaching that separation from the self.
As a distance runner, I learned to distinguish mental barriers from true exhaustion, how to distinguish tendon and ligament pain that warns of injury from mere muscle soreness and minor aches, how to have an approximate idea of how many miles my feet had covered, how to gauge how much energy and water was left in my body, and how to be constantly aware of my biomechanics.

From this background in running, I added weightlifting and yoga techniques into my routine. I became acquainted with every muscle in my body and how to stimulate it through exercise. I can only vaguely remember what my body felt like and looked like before I started to develop an awareness. When one grows up with negative reinforcement from society, one tends to go into retreat, even from one’s own limbs.

I finally conquered my touch sickness when I learned how to give myself massages. Even a simple scalp rub worked wonders in dispelling feelings of physical loneliness, but growing up, I would never have thought to reach out and acknowledge myself and my needs in such a way. It was almost as though I had been hiding from corporeal self. Indeed, my body had itself been just a final barrier to hide behind.

In time, I learned how to soothe every tiny point of tension in my feet, in my neck and upper back, in my hands. As I experimented, I figured out how to stretch every one of my vertebrae as I lay on an improvised decline.
I am now capable of living almost indefinitely without touch from others if need be. I know the tricks of my physiology. Since I am keenly aware, there is never any chance for a problem to reach the point where it starts to get out of control and threatens mental stability.

Learning how to make the body self-sustaining through awareness results in a whole new level of independence. One is no longer ruled by loneliness and cravings. The ability of society to blackmail through threat of witholding human affection is removed. The way to a life of self-honesty is opened.

The coping tactics one develops just to survive another day eventually become their own reward. In time necessity matures into virtue, barest subsistence grows into a fulfilling lifestyle.