“Don’t be so serious.”
“You need to smile more.”
Are some of the most annoying and most common admonishments an introvert receives in everyday life.
Highly social persons mistake an introvert’s typically closed expression as being dour and unfriendly. Rather, the introvert being concerned with persons rather than people is far more prone to compartmentalize their life.
They do not emote in front of strangers. That is to be done around the carefully chosen group of individuals they have let into their life.
If they spilled their pearls in front of everyone, the act of sharing itself would become meaningless. One does not see people on a subway or bus treating each other like old friends. Uninhibited friendliness is sacred to an introvert and is for those who whom they hold closest. Like trust, and respect, it is earned. All others are approached with caution and respectful reserve.
The unconditional exuberance of extroverts seems superficially sunny by comparison, endearing perhaps like a dog wagging its tail, but not indicative of any deeper feeling than that which moves them at the moment. Since it’s how they act around everyone one must wonder: are they being sincere underneath that happy veneer?
From the view of the introvert: the highly social person so habitually ventures into histrionic hyperbole of expression, that there is no means, no language they might even employ to indicate any extraordinary feeling for another human being.
Is one really their best friend or the love of their life or is it just another mood of the moment or attention getting behavior?
Perhaps it disturbs the extrovert that the inward looking person tends to wear the same blank exterior we all wear on the subway when in public places. However, this exterior is in a way a test as well as a defense.
What one sees in a blank exterior says a lot about them; it is a mirror of sorts. Those who stand a chance of moving inside an introvert’s inner circle are those rare few who look at that initial blankness and see something good and unthreatening in it.
3 Comments
True blankness drives me crazy because I need to establish some idea of what the person is feeling in order to interact with them. Over 80% of communication comes from non-verbal channels and if they are totally blocked I am seriously at sea. That said, I can normally manage a reserved introvert much better than most because I can understand their situation and read very small non-verbal clues. I also recognise and respect difference. It’s sad that some people just detect difference at an emotional level and keep reacting negatlvely and without compassion even after I explain the situaton of the other person. Your writing is valuable to me in that it helps me understand my fellow humans much better. Thanks
It would seem you simply do not see blankness where others might. If someone is coming on too strong or being overly obtrusive, it really ought to be obvious from someone’s body language that theyr’e not comfortable. Yet it is precisely “people persons” who seem not to catch on and conclude that the introvert is ‘blank’ when they end up getting stonewalled. I suppose they might simply misinterpret withdrawal behaviors since that’s not their usual way of interaction.
I agree, this spoke to me so much. everything i thought was said here. being blank or aloof helps me to filter bullshit from people and i dont have to waste my time but i do take time around others. there is this 1 girl who sits in front of me in history class which was good because when we had to do group projects she wasnt weirded off by my introversion. but she talked to everyone.
she walked into class to loud and talked about the most random shit at an 8AM college class. she talked so much to everyone she didnt even notice that i wasnt that “other black girl”. me being the only black girl in class-she mistook me for other black girls for 4 months.
she was so hyper and talkative. i just had to not give her attention so she could stp being so loud, at least towards me